Soooo…this is a weird one.
But is it though?
Is it really?
Pokémon is a sensation of the 90s that took the world by storm and made young folks everywhere keen to catch them all.
Pocket monsters were this obscure little premise and then, suddenly, they were everywhere: Gameboys, TV shows, trading cards, cuddly toys, calendars, claw machines, and more.
You name it, there was a Pokémon related thing for it and, although the hype died down, many loved and remembered Pokémon. Some even stayed faithful when all else faltered.
I was one of those nerds.
I have never not owned the newest Pokémon game releases. Fuck, I often buy both iterations when they come out. And although the latest games have left me sighing at their simplicity I can still appreciate their amazing villain team and the fact that I can trade my favourite Pokémon over which is what really matters, if I’m being honest.
What might this Pokémon be? I’ll give you some hints: It’s a feline, black, electric type whose in-game cry sounds like someone reaching orgasm.
Okay, that last bit is a bit of an abstract interpretation, but the Pokémon is Luxray.
To my mind, Luxray is pretty much the shit and anyone who says otherwise is just plain wrong.
I legitimately own a Luxray collection. No word of a lie. It includes among it bespoke Luxray needle felts, a Luxray scarf, and a 1:1 Luxray cuddly toy.
Yes, I am mad.
Mad about Luxray, that is.
It’s because if Luxray, and the inclusion of Gen 4 in Pokémon Go! that I am reminded of this once world-dominating mobile app’s existence.
Now that Luxray will be in it, so am I again. Team Spark has regained a member, yo.
My return to the world of Go! has also made me think about ways that the app might be used to bring each other together, outside of the Safe For Work ways intended.
Now, I’m not condoning doing any of these suggested activities at inopportune or inappropriate times but, really, no theme is out of bounds when it comes to sex. Plus, given the amount of Pokémon porn already out there, I think my conscience can remain clean here.
So, yes, Pokémon Go! to get yourself going.
Here are just a few fun things I think are worth trying with the app.
#1 Set A Catch Challenge
A designated amount of time.
An intention to catch the most Pokémon.
The winner decides what happens when you both return home.
Alternatively punishment for the loser in BDSM scenarios, because kink is better with Pokeballs.
#2 Spanks For Sightings
Keeping on the BDSM theme: The Sub picks a Pokémon type, then a walk is commenced.
The amount of Pokémon spotted of that type on the walk designates how many spanks that Sub will receive.
Or, to flip the dynamic, the Dom picks the type and the Sub has to keep count, cringing and clenching with dread and delight at every new sighting.
#3 Type Determination
This one may take some forethought, but if you’re in to Pokémon then you’re likely in to gaming too, so all is good.
With your partner/s sit down and look at the different Pokémon types, ascribing a different bedroom activity or kink action with each type. Then either go for a long walk and make a play buffet with each type encounter or determine the theme of your play time based on the type of the first critter seen.
Heck, you don’t even really need to leave the house to make this one work. But who wants to risk discovering their bedroom is witness to the unblinking gaze of a Slowpoke.
#4 Gym Domination
Have one of you try to make a dent at a local gym while the other is controlling a remotely controlled vibrator or similar.
Simple but distracting and more than a little devious.
#5 Creature Feature
Pull up the app and wait until a Pokémon appears.
Then, in a bit of sexual roleplay, try to embody what you believe are some of the features of that Pokémon during a play session.
For example, the appearance of an Ekans might leave you accentuating your curves while trying to charm your partner in to a rope-based wrap.
If a Persian emerges then your feline elegance might dominate the show.
Muk or Grimer? Well, shit, make sure they’re in to sploshing before acting.
And, as for Magikarp, there’s never anything wrong with a little bit of vigorous thrashing about in the bedroom.
And That’s All For Now!
Pokémon Go! might be Pokémon gone for many people but as long as the die hard adult fans still exist then so does the potential for some sexy times inspired by an app that probably should never be made to be sexy.
But, hey, at least using it this way won’t lead to falls, theft, crashes, or death.
…We really do go a bit OTT when it comes to Pokémon, don’t we?