I am aware that when it comes to this particular topic I am rather late to the party. I also understand that there’s a real risk that posts such as this may come across as disingenuous or a grab for views. If that is how you choose to interpret this post then that is fine—I won’t be able to convince you otherwise—but then this post is not for you. I hope you respect this as I use my platform to say what I need to say. Much love.
Lists and rankings. We can’t seem to get enough of them. Ever since we were little tykes most of us have been judged and graded in some manner. As community-animals it’s then only natural that we take those grades and try to compare them to those of our peers. As much as we may want to deny it there’s a certain sense of validation that comes along with achievement, and a high rank is certainly synonymous with achievement in our society.
So when Kinkly released their Sex Blogging List for 2016 there was, understandably, a mixture of emotions as everyone discovered how they ranked (or didn’t) in the eyes of Kinkly. Aware that they might not be the only one’s judging their worth through this ranking—companies and other bloggers value this list too, after all—many people fretted over their position, or felt reasonably well accomplished.
The winner this year felt conflicted, and understandably so. I will allow her to speak for herself, as her insights are much more apt than my ramblings here could ever be.
I am also informed that Girl On The Net has tackled this topic in her own article. I will be reading it after I write this post and highly recommend you do so too.
I will mostly be staying quiet on the topic of the Kinkly list itself. I asked for votes and I’m incredibly grateful to those who helped me reach the position I did. A lot of work undoubtedly goes in to constructing such a list too, and I don’t want to dismiss the hard work of those who judged and ranked such a huge selection of people. I certainly don’t envy your job.
I’d also be lying if I said that I didn’t put some of my own worth in this list and I can tell you now that one of my goals for this year was to try and rank higher. Mainly because it felt like validation that my content was improving—which positively impacts you, which is my main priority. When I saw I had dropped rank in my second year on the list back in 2015 my heart sank because it felt like I hadn’t done enough. That I wasn’t enough.
But, anyway, enough with the moping.
Here is my own list of the top sex bloggers of 2016. I hope it finds you well:
Ranking very highly in my esteem is the person who I first DM’d when I began my blog. Fresh-faced, inexperienced, and incredibly nervous, I was uncertain as to how I would be received, but you welcomed me with open arms and made me feel like I was part of something—like there would always be a support network there if needed. I took your response to heart and still carry it with me today.
I would also like to give massive props to those glorious educators and blogging superstars who put up their own ‘Beginners Guide’ to blogging, social media, and everything in between. Without you I would still be drowning in uncertainty at the mere thought of starting a blog. Now I refer people to you on a regular basis. Your knowledge is invaluable.
To the brilliant adult product reviewer—who sometimes drags their genitals through sex toy hell and back so that others don’t have to—I have nothing but the highest regard for you. Your passion for sex tech and dedication to providing a comprehensive review helps people every single day. You bring people the joy of their first orgasm, help them discover new aspects of themselves, and can even save relationships (and lives). Never underestimate yourself (even when companies may do so).
To the adult journalist who provides regular articles on the latest developments in the adult community. Thank you. Nowadays it is so easy for communities to turn in to an echo chamber of similar opinions. World events have also been utterly grim, to say the least. Amidst all the chaos you provide calm and concise insights which allow me to stop and consider an alternative perspective, to practice empathy through quiet contemplation.
To the social justice warrior who fights for my sexual and reproductive health—providing passionate articles which speak for us all while still managing to be incredibly personal and wholly respectful—I have nothing but love. While I share your enthusiasm I sometimes lack your bravery and have nothing but admiration for the way that you put yourself out there as a beacon of hope for others. You do more for those around you than you could ever imagine.
To the writer of erotica. My gosh, where to start? Thank you for filling my mind with ideas (many of which I have put in to effect!) and increasing my libido whenever it slumped. Your mastery of the English language is a true inspiration and the sheer creativity that you demonstrate with each new publication blows my mind. I especially loved the story with the pet name in it. You know the one.
To the sex worker who chooses to write about their experiences. I cried when I read them. Not out of pity or some appeal to a ‘fallen woman’ narrative but because of our endless similarities. To feel such a strong connection with someone who discusses something so intimate is incredibly overwhelming at times, but this is exactly why your blog matters. Yours is a shared experience and my life is richer for having you in it.
To the blogger that ranked highly on the Kinkly list. I am SO proud of you. You’ve worked hard over time crafting your blog in to something you can be proud of. That pride is not something that should be tied to your ranking (much like your worth) but there is nothing wrong with accepting acknowledgement and being given attention by those in the wider community. I hope that you were able to find some happiness in your ranking. You deserve it.
And, finally, to the blogger who didn’t rank as highly as they hoped (or at all). To the one who saw themselves fall by the wayside as they dropped below those who are new to the community or those who have barely posted at all. Your blog matters.
That you decide to keep on going—creating content day in and day out. Educating. Inspiring. Persevering even when you see minimal engagement, or get rejected by companies, or shit on by the community. I know how you feel. It matters so much. You matter and what you write is of immeasurable worth.
I know because I’ve been you. I am you. Every single day.
None of us are without at least a little bit of self-doubt and, while we may all have different reasons for producing the content we do, we all write out of a shared passion for sex and for celebrating sex and sexuality without shame. To continue pursuing that goal, to make it part of your life. To get the damned lint off the dildo for the 5,000th time.
For all the dedication you have shown (and for that which you keep to yourself) I give my highest award—a sense of solidarity, love, and respect which, to me, is beyond the value of any ranking.
I have learnt more about myself from you than from any other community and I feel truly grateful to be considered as your peer and your friend.
I’d give you a trophy but it’d probably turn to gunk, what with how sappy things got there.
Either way I just wanted to share these thoughts and awards with each of you, because what you bring to our community is worthy of merit and I firmly believe in giving credit where it’s due.
I hope you found yourself in the list above. I would rank you no other way.