Toy Review: The Fun Factory Patchy Paul G5

Patchy Paul is adorable! I’m serious guys. This vibrator is so cute that I’ve found it incredibly hard not to anthropomorphise it. Calling a toy ‘he’ or ‘she’ is generally frowned upon, but when your toy looks like a wiggly worm with a cute nose, two lil eyes, and a wide grin it’s really, really hard. The Patchy Paul has been the mascot of Fun Factory for a while now and it’s easy to see why; it’s so playfully sweet.

But this review isn’t all about how cute this dildo is. No, not at all. Patchy Paul has now been updated as part of the G5 series and it’s great. Longer, stronger, flexible and easy to control the Patchy Paul G5 is the perfect choice for anyone who loves the shape of Patchy Paul but always wanted a bit more oomph.

The Fun Factory Patchy Paul G5

The Fun Factory Patchy Paul G5 is part of the wider Generation 5 (or G5) launch of some of Fun Factory’s popular toys. The G5 series has been launched with the notion of being big, strong, and flexible. Each of these vibrators have a flexible sheath that offers the toys an incredible amount of pliability.

The Patchy Paul G5 is colourful, playful, and pleasurable.
The Patchy Paul G5 is colourful, playful, and pleasurable.

The Patchy Paul G5 is designed for G-spot stimulation (though it can also be used on the clitoris). It’s tip involves a rather bulbous, curved ‘nose’ which is intended for the G-spot whereas the shaft itself is rippled and tapered for stimulating the vaginal opening.

Patchy Paul G5 comes in three dazzling colours: Candy Rose, Fresh Green, and Neon Orange. All of these are awesome and Fun Factory is awesome for making toys with such brilliant colouration.

The Patchy Paul G5 is made out of 100% medical grade silicone, which is phthalate-free, non-porous, and generally body-safe. This silicone is quite draggy, which is something some people really dislike but others appreciate. While I did have issues with my Stronic Eins being to grainy I feel like the Patchy Paul G5 manages to strike the balance between having a respectable grab without feeling too gritty so I think I’m more inclined to appreciate this material rather than dislike it. That being said it is a dust magnet, so beware.

Charging this vibe is easy.
Charging this vibe is easy.

Speaking of magnets the Patchy Paul G5 uses a magnetic clip in order to recharge its batteries via USB. In regards to other perks it’s also 100% submersible and can be travel locked (always a great feature). All of these things help add to Patchy Paul’s luxury feeling, though a storage bag wouldn’t have gone amiss.

The Patchy Paul G5 Has a Loop control unit which is incredibly easy to hold and operate. The Loop shape allows you to grip the Patchy Paul easily while three different buttons are used to operate the toy. These buttons are the Fun button and a + and -.

To turn the Patchy Paul G5 on all you need to do is press and hold the Fun button down. From there you can access the Patchy Paul G5’s 6 different vibration rhythms and 6 different vibration intensities. The Patchy Paul G5 has a QuickStop so all you need to do to turn it off is to press down the Fun button.

The control unit is very easy to operate.
The control unit is very easy to operate.

The vibrations for the Patchy Paul G5 are described by Fun Factory as deep frequency vibrations with 25% more intensity than the last Patchy Paul. The vibrations from the Patchy Paul G5 are impressively powerful. They’re not the strongest on the market but they are pretty damned decent for a vibe of this size and shape. The vibrations themselves have a buzz to them, which gets stronger on the more intense levels, but they still manage to be satisfyingly deep. There’s a resonance to them which I really enjoy.

That being said, when using this vibrator as a clitoral vibe I was left a bit frustrated. This is because the tip of the Patchy Paul G5, while able to translate the vibrations well, does still lose a bit of potency. As a power queen this was simply unacceptable for me so I tried to find a location lower down the shaft where I could comfortably use the Patchy Paul G5. Alas, it simply wasn’t meant to be.

Internally, though, the Patchy Paul G5 performs excellently and does exactly what it’s meant to do. The vibrations of the Patchy Paul G5 work wonderfully during internal use and provide the right amount of stimulation to be arousing without being distracting. They certainly help to amplify an orgasm too.

Meanwhile the shape of the Patchy Paul G5 is excellent for internal use, though this should come as no surprise. The ‘nose’ of the Patchy Paul G5 really does know just where to hit and it firm enough to maintain pressure despite its flexible shaft. The draggy silicone helps aid in sensation here, as the Patchy Paul G5 strokes the G-spot adding further stimulation.

I found that I also really appreciated the ripples of the Patchy Paul’s body, which felt great teasing my vaginal entrance and even lead to so thrusting (something I usually don’t do during masturbation).

My orgasms with the Patchy Paul G5 were consistently amazing. When orgasming with the Patchy Paul G5 it’s like all of its elements come together to heighten my sensations and provide a prolonged and deep orgasm. It really is worth experiencing first-hand.

When it comes to downsides there aren’t too many.

The biggest issue I have with the Patchy Paul G5 is its grin. That crease that makes the Patchy Paul’s mouth, cute as it may be, is obnoxiously effective at grabbing up lube and vaginal gunk and not letting go. It’s quite irritating to wash because of this, though being waterproof helps.

Other than that I would say that personal preferences dictate the rest of the downsides. If you dislike long toys then the Patchy Paul G5 might not work for you. If you need rumbly vibrations then the Patchy Paul G5 is deep but not necessarily rumbly. If you need firm G-spot pressure then the flexible shaft might hinder your progress. And if you need a completely silent vibe then the Patchy Paul G5 is quiet but still has a deep hum to it.

These are things that may be deal breakers for some but they ultimately don’t detract from the vibe itself, which is of very good quality.

Final Thoughts

Overall I was really impressed with the Patchy Paul G5 and found that it delivered on its promises of being strong, long, and flexible. Its resonant buzz might not work for some but it did wonders for me and I feel like every design aspect of the Patchy Paul G5 come together to make this toy truly pleasurable.

If you love long, rippling shafts, a bulbous, firm head and decently powerful vibrations then I can certainly recommend the Patchy Paul G5. It’s as adorable as it is effective and I enjoy every orgasm with it.

Recommend to:

People who like deep buzzy vibrations.

People who like G-Spot Toys.

People who like draggy silicone.

Do Not Recommend to:

People who want wand-style power.

People who dislike draggy silicone.

People who dislike rippling texture.