(Terrible) Erotic Offerings: Here Kitty, Kitty [EuphOff 2018]

Disclaimer: This smut is terrible. This smut is also meant to be terrible. That’s the challenge I have risen to as put in place by the EuphOff (hosted this year by The Other Livvy). The provisions on this smut? ‘write an erotic story using as many terrible cliches, metaphors and innuendos as possible’ and  ‘Each story must include the phrase “semi-moist treat stick.”‘

Let’s do this.


She waiting for him with ears perked up, like the kinky kitten she was, for her Owner to walk through the door.

She was selected by him, claimed by him, and aimed to serve just him.

Not one to stray in alley ways, nor cause claws for alarm with an aloof or purrnicious nature, this pretty little kitty had entered in to her Owner’s life with only two intentions in mind.

One: To serve and dote upon him unquestioningly.

Two: To have her pussy pampered and pounded.

Also her name is Pickles, because that’s what she craves (If you know what I mean).

He was due home and she knew it, hence she was waiting at the door with only a slight worry in her mind that she seemed more lap dog than feline fuck toy.

Eventually the keyhole ached with the slotting sound of his metalling rod. She imagined her Owner’s own rod slotting in to her and her back arched forwards with glee. Yoga might like to ‘cat/cow’ but she was all cat, and on all fours already.

As he walked through the door his own grin was almost Cheshire-like in presentation as he looked at the puuurfect offering in front of him.

‘Good evening Master’ she meowed delicately, as if fluffing her paws gently at a feather on a rod. Oh my, to batt at a rod. She thought to herself, gaining fluid in her swelling kitty cunt.

‘Did you bring me a treat?’

‘I sure did, my little kitten’ he said, leaning down and stroking her face softly. ‘Now, earn it for me. Beg’.

Without paws for thought she began meowing and mewing out for her meal. Having seen this item at the supermarket, she couldn’t wait for her Owner’s own serving to meet with her mouth.

‘Please Master, please’ she clawed and pawed at him as he slowly unzippied his trousers and revealed, underwear lacking, his semi-moist treat stick, exposed, throbbing, and waiting for her.

Hungry for her man, she eagerly took up his furmidable offering and began feline his shaft with her purrty little kissed. With almost hissterical enthusiasm she soon began to lick and guzzle at his amazing man meat. His groans were mewsic to her ears as she took him all in and began sucking and thrusting her head in pawerful motions.

‘Yes! Yes!’ he said, approvingly. ‘Now, turn around. I want to take in that wet pussy of yours’.

With all pawsible speed, she whipped herself around and, condom on, felt her Owner thrust deep in to her. His shaft completed her, her vocalisations his pitched and hissy for all the right reasons. Fucking was one thing. Being fucked was something she could experience furever.

Grabbing at her tail (she has a tail) he pounded deep in to her. Swiftly she felt her kitty cunt come to climax and, no kitten around, she squirted all over the place. Whoever said cats don’t like to get wet had clearly never met her.

Panting and pawsing for breath she looked gratefully at her Owner.

‘That,’ she spoke ‘was pawsome’.