Article: Sex and Comfort

The bed looked exquisite.

Black matte sheets offering up a grand and welcoming atmosphere for the equally stunning individuals that splayed out upon it.

It was simply divine.

 

Every time I saw the offering that Sheets of San Francisco had brought to Eroticon, I felt a rush throughout my body and knew that they were 100% on board with the adult writing community, what we do, and how we operate.

What better thing to bring for a bunch of (typically) introverted and kinky individuals than an object that they can use both for sexy wax play (among other things) and much needed rest and recharge time?

 

But at the same time whenever I saw this brilliant bed my eyes also went to something else – the metal bars that made up its frame. From the moment I spotted this brilliant bed I knew one thing for sure: I was going to dangle off of it.

The Peach and the Pull-Up

I cannot do a pull-up yet. Heck, I struggle with even a full chin-up. It is, however, one of my core fitness goals and, as such, I’ve got in the habit of meeting with a metal bar at least once every day. My ‘dangle every day’ policy isn’t just about achieving this goal, it just feels fucking fantastic too.

When you grab hold of a bar and release your whole body weight off the ground the stretch you can achieve is just divine. It resonates throughout my entire body and feels like one of the most cathartic releases that my body can experience. It’s routine, aspiration, and release all rolled in to one. It’s also extremely comforting, as any such experience can be.

Now, while my dangle might not have represented the type of comfort or social reassurance/engagement that SoSF had envisioned, it was pretty much my everything at times and it got me thinking of the nature of comfort. Or, to be more specific, comfort, kink, and sex in general.

 

The Essential Nature of Comfort

Comfort is described by Oxford Dictionary as:

A state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint.

As follows, ‘Comforts’ are ‘Things that contribute to physical ease and well-being’ or ‘Prosperity and the pleasant lifestyle secured by it.’

When we comfort someone we are trying to help alleviate grief or distress or try to alleviate a difficult situation that someone may have found themselves in.

Comfort gets a bit of a bad rep nowadays. When the second ‘Beast from the East’ hit the UK I had a conversation with a lovely Scottish gent and we mutually agreed that we’d gotten a bit too soft in the South (and the UK in general) and were just too used to ‘living comfortably’.

It’s true – sometimes we can’t always live in comfort either. A desire to only do so can lead to extreme psychological distress when the state of comfort is disrupted or even unhealthy psychological or behavioral coping tactics that eventually cause even more hardship (comfort eating, OCD behavioral patterns, isolation, etc.)

Life is, to some degree, about stress and rest:The balance between reasonable hardship and planned moments of recovery. This is how we grow and it helps us manage the times where comfort is involuntarily taken from us in a more effective manner too.

But, at the same time, is comfort really such a bad thing to have and seek from time-to-time? I mean, look at all of those awesome words in the definition of comfort:

‘Ease’

‘Freedom’

‘Wellbeing’

‘Prosperity’

Who wouldn’t want these? Certainly, wellbeing and freedom are two fundamental things that all individuals should have aspect too, and ease and prosperity are most welcome in anyone’s life.

If we look at the stress/rest theory too, then comfort is an essential part of growth and development. It is the ‘rest’ that comes after the ‘stress’ – one of the necessary components for being a better person, and certainly not something to dismiss, nor take for granted.

Yet, rarely do I see comfort slagged off as much as when it comes to sex.

‘Sex Shouldn’t Be Comfy!’

Aaaah, the most brilliant lines ever offered by cinema.

Or at least up there.

I’m a bit biased. I adore the movie, Kinky Boots, that this line came from (delivered expertly by the sensational Chiwetel Ejiofor) and I’ve even quoted it myself against ‘comfortable’ sex toys in the past.

But, really, what’s wrong with comfort in the bedroom from time-to-time too.

I don’t know about y’all but sometimes when I get home from a hard day’s work or travelling I don’t want to get all my gear out, make sure I’m suited and booted, and go for the most rigorous, sensational, remember-it-until-I-die sex that I’ve ever had.

Sometimes I just want to slump down, reach for my favourite go-to vibrator (my comfortable choice) and just enjoy a nice, relaxed, session that isn’t too vigorous, too creative, and simply caters to my own, mellower pace.

This doesn’t detract from the orgasm at all, nor the experience, and in those moments it’s exactly what I need. The familiar. The go-to. Comfort. Nothing more and nothing less.

The same can be said for partner experiences at times too.

The phenomenal highs are great, of course, but how many fond sexual and relationship memories come down to those slower, more intimate, or familiar moments where you simply let each other live in the moment and embrace what all of you bring to the table? How many of the best memories are those times where you’re hugging on the sofa, or where you lie on their chest post-fuck, or the aftercare of a BDSM session? These are all moments of immense comfort and, in my opinion, they make up the brunt of what we value and seek from sex and sexual activity in general.

Will there be thrills? Yes. Should there be thrills? Abso-fucking-lutely. But think of these as the ‘stress’ moments of one’s sexual life rather than the norm. That’s not to say that these experiences are ‘stressful’ in a negative way. Rather they require more energy, more physical and mental exertion, and leave more of an impression due to this.

Such moments feel so defining because they are the sexual equivalent of the ‘stress moments’ that help us change and grow as individuals.

But, remember, just as periods of ‘stress’ are important, so too is the ‘rest’ – ie. the comfortable sexual encounters, toys, and methods that we all return too when we just want to have a good time, no bells and whistles.

Feeling comfort in sex (and in ourselves and others during sex) is just as vital as feeling like a badass sexual warrior that can take on the world and the two are not opposed but, rather, live in a wonderful supportive harmony.

Some Finishing Thoughts

No two people’s sexual comfort (or comfort) will look the same. Where I found comfort dangling from the SoSF bed, most others found it from lying on the bed, or from the people they shared the bed with, but all forms of interaction provided us with the comfort that we needed in the moment to continue to tackle the stresses of daily life (even in an event that we thoroughly enjoyed and certainly grew from).

So, never shy away from the idea of sex being comfortable, nor from comfort in general. If employed correctly it can be one of our greatest tools in life and bring us an immense amount of happiness. And maybe one day, if I stress and rest my body in the right way, I might just achieve a pull up on the Sheets of San Francisco bed at next years Eroticon.