Toy Review: The Satisfyer Pro Penguin

For the longest time I stared at my photos of the Satisfyer Pro Penguin as a single question consumed all other thoughts:

“Should I photoshop in little love hearts on these pictures, or is that a step too far?”

In the end I did decide against it, but not through lack of amour—I just couldn’t find what I considered to be the perfect heart imagery to convey how I felt about this toy.

I love suction-based sex toys. I mean, that’s a given by now. Ever since I used my very first one I was basically singing the praises of this new technology to anyone who would listen (or read, as the case may be). So I think it says something when I say that the Satisfyer Pro Penguin has well and truly stolen my heart and spoilt me when it comes to just what a suction-based sex toy can be capable of.

Oh yes, this isn’t just a cute little novelty. It’s the real deal.

The Satisfyer Pro Penguin

The Satisfyer Pro Penguin is pitched by Satisfyer as ‘perfect for newcomers’ but I’m more inclined to say ‘perfect as the go-to’ and leave it at that. But I’d be doing this wonderful little Penguin a disservice if I didn’t give it a full appraisal so lets get more specific, shall we?

This toy is the dream achieved.

At $49 the Satisfyer Pro Penguin retails at $10.99 cheaper that the Satisfyer Pro 2 and has a very drastic design. Short, stout, and similar in appearance to two ovals stuck together (or a penguin, apparently) the Satisfyer Pro Penguin is the most compact of the entire Satisfyer range.

It’s beautifully petite form comes in at about 5 inches tall and is adorable and comfortable to hold. Its main body is made from ABS plastic whereas the suction nozzle has a removable sleeve which is silicone.

Both of these materials are non-porous, phthalate-free and completely body safe and (unlike the Satisfyer Pro Deluxe) the Satisfyer Pro Penguin isn’t designed to have its full form pressed up against the vulva, so the hard plastic never feels like it’s overstepping its boundaries. That being said, this silicone attachment is the slimmest of the range by far, which needs to be considered if you know that you’re wanting more of a silicone surface to work with.

The silicone itself is matte but how it feels is barely noticeable upon use. Mainly it’s just there to create the seal around the clitoris required to illicit the suction effect of this sex toy.

For those who have never experienced suction before the sensation is hard to describe but is akin to having your clit sucked without any direct physical contact (if you can envision such a thing) or to having a light tugging sensation combined with a rippling patter applied to the clit with the depth of the sensation resonating outwards and inwards from the point of contact.

The sensations provided by this toy are hard to describe and even harder to resist.

It feels absolutely sensational, even if it’s incredibly hard to convey for the uninitiated. Thankfully affordable suction toys such as the Satisfyer Pro Penguin make trying these sensations much more accessible without breaking the bank. The Satisfyer Pro Penguin may be closer to $50 than some of its battery powered counterparts, but this USB rechargeable toy is compact, powerful, and (in my opinion) a great option for those who are serious about getting a suction toy that would fit comfortably in the bedside drawer with the rest of the ‘old reliables’.

Because this toy is waterproof it can also be used in the bath and is incredibly easy to clean, though I still maintain that not being able to fully dry the inside of the nozzle is a bit nerve-wracking. That being said the size of the Satisfyer Pro Penguin’s nozzle is quite generous and allows for an easier clean and dry than some other Satisfyer toys. Keeping with its promises, the Satisfyer Pro Penguin is a very quiet and discreet toy. Not entirely whisper quiet but definitely hush-hush enough that a closed door feels like ample sound protection during use (and maybe your favourite playlist, if that’s your style).

In terms of discretion I have to confess that the Satisfyer Pro Penguin is a bit of a mixed bag. Compared to something like the Satisfyer 2, it’s much harder to pass off as a medical or beauty device, due to its playful aesthetic.

But outside of the Satisfyer Pro Penguin have you ever really seen a sex toy like this before? I haven’t and chances are most people haven’t either, meaning it probably won’t be their default suspicion when seeing the Satisfyer Pro Penguin. This does offer those who need to keep their toys under wraps a bit of security, but there is an element of risk present so be sure to have a cover story available if you need one.

The Satisfyer Pro Penguin has 11 different settings and none of them disappoint. I can get off easily at setting 3 yet the sensations feel smooth and refined enough that I can take things up further if I so desire. It’s almost as if Satisfyer took the smoothness of the Satisfyer Pro Deluxe and combined it with the strength and sensation of the Satisfyer Pro 2 to make the perfect intermediary.

Even better, because the Satisfyer Pro Penguin is so compact I can use it with pretty much any other insertable toy I want. I can also use it easily when lying on my side, when squeezing my thighs together, or when sitting up (something that can’t be said of pretty much any other Satisfyer toy as far as my body is concerned).

Oh and I can use it hands-free. Seriously.

The Satisfyer Pro Penguin’s head is angled in such a way that, when sitting on the bed, I can simply turn it on, put it in place, and then prop it against the sheets while I go searching for my favourite smut or live-tweeting about how great porn is. Meanwhile the Satisfyer Pro Penguin is continuously in place, uninterrupted and comfortably providing me with orgasm after orgasm, varying in intensity, but most gentle and prolonged by choice.

This is what the penguin-equse embodiment of a fantastic sex session looks like.

I can only imagine what it would feel like if I put the settings up higher when doing this. I think my writing would become a lot less coherent until I eventually transcended time and space to become an orgasm-induced mass of sexual gratification. But I digress.

There are three downsides that I can place on the Satisfyer Pro Penguin and, loathed as I am to admit it, they may be big deterrents for some.

The first is that the Satisfyer Pro Penguin never gets quite as intense as the highest setting of the Satisfyer Pro 2. This may bother you if you spend your time strictly using the max setting of the Satisfyer Pro 2, but I don’t actually know anyone who does this so I’m not entirely sure just how valid this complaint is. Are there any suction-power queens out there? I’d love to know if so!

The second and third downsides both stem from the same thing and that’s the silicone sleeve of the Satisfyer Pro Penguin. Being the slimmest of them all it provides very little buffer and I feel like it may make the Satisfyer Pro Penguin’s nozzle feel just a tad too firm for some. Not much but enough that if you know you dislike all forms of firmness then this might be a poor investment.

And, because this sleeve is so damned slim and thin it’s also incredibly prone to slipping off and frustratingly easy to misplace.

When going to take the photos for this review I walked from my bedroom to my office with the Satisfyer Pro Penguin in hand only to look down and see that somehow, during this very small commute, the silicone nozzle had fallen off.

Having somewhat of an internal panic (both for the quality of my photos and my future with the Satisfyer Pro Penguin itself) I retraced my steps twice trying to find the attachment to no avail. It wasn’t until the third search that I finally managed to locate it and it was by pure luck. God knows what would have happened if my dog had discovered it first.

So it goes without saying that there’s a certain vigilance involved with the Satisfyer Pro Penguin and I wonder what this means in terms of being travel friendly. In future I’d love to see Satisfyer release custom cases for each of their toys but, in the meantime, if you’re serious about taking this toy on the road with you then I’d consider investing in a designated travel case yourself.

Final Thoughts

The Satisfyer Pro Penguin is nominated for the XBIZ 2017 awards in the Sex Toy of the Year (Powered) category and if it won then I would say that it was well-earned.

For me this it is—the best current Satisfyer toy on the market. The best suction-powered toy full stop. It’s got adequate power, it wonderfully compact, it’s easy to control, it’s discreet, it’s rechargeable, waterproof, and (if I’m being totally honest here) absolutely adorable.

I highly recommend the Satisfyer Pro Penguin and consider it to be one of those iconic affordable sex toys that anyone with a clitoris and an interest in suction sensations should at least consider investing in.