Toy Review: The Rampant Rabbit Elite (My First)

I’ve often mentioned that my first real sex toy was one that my parents purchased and that it was a rabbit.

And, yes, I do mean a traditional Rampant Rabbit.

I walked hand-in-hand with my then partner to get it and we nervously moved towards a section of the store that we had only really glanced at hopefully before. In that moment, that hope turned to apprehension as I tried to figure out why my Vaginismus-addled body could possibly take.

The Rampant Rabbit Elite was not the right option at all but, real-talk, it was the smallest rabbit in the entire shop and (as a girl of 16 who had minimal information on the sex toy world in a time when minimal information existed) it seemed like the best option of a terrifying selection.

With a gulp and desperate twinge of hope, I purchased the rabbit in what was (and remains to this day) a sexual milestone for me. I wish I could say that my bunny-based purchase gave me years to gratification – curing my Vaginismus and making me in to the internationally-known sex blogger that I am today buuut that would be a bald-faced lie.

No doubt, I would not be who I am if not, in part, due to my experiences with this toy, but that doesn’t mean those experiences were good. And, having pulled this product out of storage recently (because as If I would ever get rid of my first), I felt like it was about time to give this product the appraisal it rightly deserves.

This is a toy that no one can buy anymore, and that I wouldn’t recommend anyway, but I still think that this review is important and I hope that you get something out of it alongside me.

Let’s begin this review-based introspection.

The Rampant Rabbit Elite

The Rampant Rabbit Elite is (was) the smallest of the roster in the Ann Summers selection back in the early 2000’s. It measures in with a ‘slimline’ 4 inch circumference and an insertible length of 6 inches.

Yeeeah…’slimline’. Sure.

Time for my first rabbit and my current life as a reviewer to meet.

To Ann Summers’ credit, they tried, and they tried in a time when small rabbits (up until that point) hadn’t really been a thing. I mean, c’mon, this was the early 2000’s – we were mostly just relieved that a digital bug hadn’t wiped out civilization as we know it because no one knew whether or not the internet could handle an arbitrary date adjustment. It wasn’t exactly the time of comprehensive sex tech knowledge.

Currently you can get rechargeable rabbits with an insertible length of 5 inches and a much more appealing shape, size, and overall material quality, so I am happy to say that Ann Summers have expanded since then, but back to my old crusty vibe.

That description isn’t far from the truth, either, because the Rampant Rabbit Elite, although not breaking apart, crumbling, or melting in any way, does not look like an appealing toy to use to me anymore.

This toy is clearly made from jelly and you can tell as soon as you remove it from its tacky (but then typical) packaging. It reeks of the stereotypical rubbery smell that you get from toys that should never be placed near (let alone in) the body and the odor does not fade with washing.

Seriously?

The surface of this toy is quite dreadful too. Draggy, cheap, and practically sticky to the touch, it has more grip to it than Blutack and much less usefulness in terms of practical application. This is a toy that (should you ever use) needs a condom on it. Just by removing it from its box, washing it, and transferring it to my front room for photographs I found it had already somehow compiled a large array of dust, lint, and other debris, including dog hair…I haven’t had a dog in this house for months.

Although the dog hair inclusion is just part of the reality of owning (or visiting) a dog the rest of the build-up is pretty damned unacceptable and, although this toy lubes up well, I find the material used for this product to be entirely unacceptable.

It makes me actively sad thinking that this was my first tactile encounter with a sex toy. I compare it to all of the amazing (vegan) buttery, and velvety smooth toy surfaces I have since caressed and I weep a little bit for my younger self. Still, at least she got the experience of then realizing that not all toys have to be like this and no toy that you use should be like this if health and wellbeing are a focus for you.

The toys itself is (and was) pretty standard – a ‘realistically contoured’ shaft (which comes with an admittedly impressive coronal ridge), a dual 3-speed rotating shaft, and a 3 speed, 4 pattern rabbit bullet which, bless its little heart, did its very best to impress me in my youth.

That control panel…yikes!

Because, as I’m sure you can all guess, there was no way that teenage Emmeline could have ever taken this toy internally (even if adult Emmeline thinks the coronal ridge actually wouldn’t feel too bad if offered on a straight-up silicone dildo).

When I first looked at this toys complex and daunting control panel as a teen, laying on my bed as my partner hovered expectantly over me I couldn’t believe what I was about to attempt…no, actually I couldn’t conceive it. The buttons were just too many, too clumsily presented, and too removed from my own sexual experiences and desires.

Beads? Why did this toy have beads?

Because, silly billy, my young self told meall the best and most enjoyed sex toys have beads, otherwise there wouldn’t be any beads on sex toys…right?

Oh, how easy to pressure in to trying to reach a societal pleasure standard I was.

When I did manage to turn the toy on and get its beads rotating I remember jolting a bit. I also remember my vaginal muscles clenching as my heart raced. I remember it as vividly as I do the initial revulsion I felt when first sniffing this toy. Both of those memories are etched strongly in to my memory and are something I can easily relive when recreating them.

Why beads?

Trying to insert this rabbit did not go well. I don’t think I was ever successful with it – as, by the time I could insert toys that size I already knew that I did not want -this toy- inside of me – and I remember my initial disappointment and distress at this to.

Will I ever be able to have normal sex?

Insert internal hug to my younger self here.

But, here’s the thing about this toy – it’s not all doom and gloom!

Yes, I realized that I couldn’t take this toy and that felt shit buuuut I also realized something else – those bunny ears and the way they buzzed wasn’t half bad.

Huh, I remember thinking, I like this…If only I could….

And, at that point, I flipped this rabbit around, turned it upside and down placed the bullet length of it on my clit. And then I enjoyed it…a lot.

Not enough to orgasm, not enough to even allow for a successful finger insertion, but enough that, suddenly, I understood the sexual potential in adult products. What’s more, I started to recognize (even if timidly, at first) that I did not need to fit the manufacturer’s idea of what a sex toy could offer me in order to have a good time with a product, and that not all products work for all bodies in the way we think they will.

For the first real time, I started thinking about the design and compatibility of sex toys beyond ‘Will this fit inside of me like they want it to’.

Sex shifted in that moment beyond what others expected of me and took a little step closer towards what I wanted and my own experiences – the fact that I could have experiences and that they mattered.

None of these thoughts had a tangible form that I could easily put in to words, but the seeds were planted and, over the years, were something that I started to nurture, grow, and then blossom out from.

The Rampant Rabbit Elite is, to put it lightly, a big pile of steaming bunny pellets (also, fun fact, rabbits eat their own poop, so this could even qualify as a double pile of bun-bun pellets) but I cannot deny its importance in my life.

What I can do, however, is urge all of you to never, ever, not even if you’re strapped for cash and really craving that sweet-looking coronal ride, invest in the revamped version of this rabbit.

It’s still made of jelly, it’s basically a carbon copy, and (to my great disappointment) it’s advertised as being perfect for ‘beginners’.

No.

(And, no: I’m not linking to it either).

Final Thoughts

I love this toy for what it gave me but let me be frank – I deserved better and so do you.

Take the money you would spend on this toy and find something made from silicone. It doesn’t have to be a rabbit (rabbits don’t work for a large amount of people), and it doesn’t have to be slimmer, nor thicker, but there is one thing it does need to have…or, to be more accurate, to be: It needs to be a toy that caters to your needs, not the expected or advertised needs of someone in your situation.

If nothing else, please that that criteria away from this review, because it is the one from which all adult purchase should stem – meeting your body on your own terms and honoring them accordingly.

Rock on all of you, I hope that you have many amazing sexual experiences ahead.