Article: Holy Cow It’s Almost Valentine’s Day And You Need To Get Some Sex Toys

Shit. It’s here again, and you left shopping til the last moment.


Crap, crap, crap.

It’s okay – no shame- I’ve been there before. We all have.

Besides, it’s not always a case of not knowing that Valentine’s is on the horizon, sometimes it’s a case of just not being able to figure out exactly what to get.

Remember the days when you could casually walk in to most sex toy shops (or sites) and have a rather similar and pretty straightforward selection? There were many shit toys, a few great ones, and recommendations were easy to come by.

Those days are gone now.

Because, much like cinema, although there are a lot of duds and retreads out there the 2010’s have also seen so many awesome releases that it’s now hard to keep up or decide what you’re in the mood for.

So here we are. Under 10 days away from the big V-Day hoping that our V’s, D’s or anything in betweens get some satisfaction, and that we can gift that to those we love in kind.

So what do?

Struggling? Then you’re in the right place.

Don’t you worry. I may not be the ultimate adult product guru, but I do think I’ve got a few good selections for most categories.

And, because we’re on a time crunch, I won’t waste your time with a long ramble for each item. Here i’m going to list categories, items for each category, and then give you a sentence (or so) summary of the product. If you want more details then, chances are, I will have a review for the items on my site but, here, I want to keep things wonderfully short and sweet for you.

I’m also keeping each section at a maximum of three toys. This puts the pressure on for me (because there are so many toys I could recommend) but I hope that it helps serve you in your quest to quickly fill your checkout cart and achieve that coveted Valentine’s purchase.

Whatever you do, don’t do this.

Anyway, we’re on a time crunch so let’s crack on! Together, we might just make this Valentine’s an sexual success rather than a failed attempt at edging.

Clitoral Toys

Lust L2 Mini Vibrator: Tiny but mighty, fits really nicely in the hand and is easy to control (even during penetrative intercourse).

Satisfyer Pro Plus Vibration: My current suction-based product of choice, due to offering vibrations as a choice too.

Lelo Sona Cruise: Similar to a suction toy but with its own unique sensations. Very highly received by customers.

Internal Vibrators

Sola Cue: Powerful, perfectly curved, and from a kickass company. Everything you might want, clitorally and internally.

Lelo Mona 2: Pretty much iconic in the adult community. Not one I personally like, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t give it the praise it deserves.

Swan Wand: Larger on one side, curved at both. Dual-motors and easy to use as a wand or an internal vibe. Diverse and extremely strong and rumbly. Yes please!

‘Rabbit’ Vibrators

Callie by Jopen: On the larger side, but the vibrations are good in the internal section and it fits relatively well with the body. One for the advanced Valentine’s user.

We-Vibe Nova: The best rabbit vibrator for trying to fit almost all bodies. Suitably strong and from a reliable company. I actually like using this one (despite avoiding rabbits generally).

Fun Factory Bi Stronic: Combining pulsation with vibration. What’s not to love here?

Internal (Non-Vibrating) Products

VixSkin Mustang: The original dual-density and just so gorgeous to use. A great curve, harness compatible, and colourful AF. Loved almost universally.

Godemiche Ambit: Comes in a variety of colours, has a flared base, and hits the G/P-Spot so well. Not great with long-harness thrusts but otherwise exceptional.

New York Toy Collective Shilo: This can be a packer or a G/P-spotting dildo and it performs very well in both regards. The best of its kind and a queer peep’s dream.

Wand Vibrators

Lelo Smartwand Large: My absolute favourite wand vibrator. I’ve lost the charge for mine. I mourn its loss greatly. Rumbly to the extreme and diverse with its sensations and intensity.

Doxy 3: The best mid-sized wand currently on the market and stylish to boot. My current go-to wand for every single review session I do.

Noje W3: The best small wand currently on the market. Strong for its size, rechargeable, and with the option to change the head for other attachments. Brilliantly varied.

Kegel Exercisers

Lelo Luna Beads: The go-to recommendation for many reviewers (well, at least until the Lelo scandal). I don’t know any standard kegel sets that beat these beads to date.

Aneros Evi: An exerciser. A way to masturbate while sitting down doing work. A bit of both. I admit to having a soft spot for this one.

Minna kGoal: One for those who like tech and incremental progress. Expensive but the smartest and most detailed kegel trainer on the market. A bit too large for some, so check maximum dildo girth capabilities before purchase.

Anal Toys

Lelo Loki Wave: Options as a vibrator or a gently wiggling toy (or both!). Dual-motors really give this toy additional oomph for strong vibrations. I’m a huge fan.

nJoy Pure Plug: Opt for the medium at the very least and enjoy the finest quality butt plug that money can buy. Heavier than usual plugs, so be warned – you will discover things.

Fun Factory Flexi Felix: Adorable, affordable, and non-intimidating for beginners. Great for Valentine’s exploration!

Cock Rings

Oxballs Cocksling 2: I recommend no other cock & ball slings because none can compare. Truly the best the money can buy.

Lelo Tor 2: A vibrating cock ring that everyone can enjoy. Enhances erections and cups the vulva nicely with each thrust (or any other gentials you wish to get intimate with). My go-to vibrating cock ring.

Tantus C-Ring: I once went travelling without this ring and actively purchased another one on the trip to rectify this oversight. Enough said.

Other Penis Products

Tenga 3D Spiral: An accessible, discreet, stylish and effective masturbator. I’ve yet to hear of someone disliking it.

Hot Octopuss Pocket Pulse With Remote: A Hot Octopuss toy that I (and others) have really adored. Probably the best ‘guybrator’ that money can buy, and it comes with a remote for additional V-Day fun.

Fleshlight Quickshot Vantage: For those who want the Fleshlight experience without the boxed-in limitations or cleaning issues. If anyone I know wants to try a Fleshlight I tend to recommend this one.


Sliquid Sassy: Vegan, water-based, pH balanced, high quality, and compatible with all forms of play. Pretty much an all-around winner.

Intimate Earth Defense: Vegan, water-based, and packed with ingredients to nourish and protect the body. A wonderful-feeling, self nourishing lube.

Wicked Aqua Moca Java: Delicious! Like a Starbucks moca frappucino. I always lap this runny lube up with extreme enthusiasm (it’s also vegan).

Massage Items

Earthy Bodies Tasty Travels Gift Set: Jam packed with a variety of products to help you figure out how best to pamper the person/people in your life.

Afterglow Massage Candle: A luxurious investment which smells divine, lasts a long time, and allows for safe sensation-play exploration.

Sutil Love Potion: I really dig what Sutil are doing. Sometimes it’s good to have a standard go-to massage oil. This is it.

Aaand That’s All For Now!

If you’re interested in more items then please do feel free to check out my curated collection over at Peepshowtoys, a lovely sponsor of mine who really pay attention to customer satisfaction.

My ideal Valentine’s.

Oh and if there’s anything I’ve missed, anything you’re unsure about, or any additional categories you want my recommendations on the please do feel free to contact me on Twitter or at I am always happy to hear from my readers.

Good luck with the Valentine’s shopping and fingers crossed that you (and everyone involved with you) have a great time.

Until the next review!


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