Article: My Favourite Love Layla Valentine’s Cards (& Competition Update)

Hello my lovely readers.

It pains me to come to you with sad news first but, as it happens, there was a glitch in the competition app I was using for my Love Layla giveaway and, as a result, no entries were permitted or taken.

I am very sorry about this, as it’s basically never happened to me before but, sadly, sometimes life throws you some curve balls.

I suppose another one of those curve balls for me is that I’m single this Valentine’s for the first time in over 11 years. I’m also oddly completely okay with that (and think I actually prefer it that way) but one truth does remain: I love Valentine’s Day.

Much like Christmas, I’ve always been a fan of Valentine’s and one of the big reasons for me this time around is (as people who already know me well might guess) stationary. Or, to be more specific, Valentine’s cards.

…Cards totally count as stationary. Ssssh. 

But, with a bit more seriousness, being an Art Historian (PhD and all), I’m pretty much smitten with large displays of colourful typography, beautiful imagery, and astute typographical decisions. Basically, I’m a card nerd. Always have been, always will be.

I’m also a bit of a card snob, and if I care about someone then you can bet I’ve spent at least 40 minutes browsing through a single retailer’s card selection at a bare minimum to find the right one for them.

Thankfully, the existence of Love Layla means that I can do so without:

A) Having to leave my house to go to a physical (cramped, crowded, and usually cluttered) card shop.

And

B) I never have to go to more than one retailer to find the right Valentine’s card ever again.

Love Layla are offering 109 different Valentine’s cards this year.

One hundred and nine! That’s immense!!

Among them I realized that, not only did quite a few mention fucking (which I certainly approve of), but that I was well and truly fucked looking through them all. Because, truth be told, my usual card snobbery was spoiled for choice when it came to this immense selection and I found not one, not five, but ten cards that I would easily buy in a heartbeat.

Seriously.

So, as a little bit of fun (and to drown out my sorrow at my giveaway apps deep betrayal of me) here are my top ten favourite Love Layla Valentine’s cards (and a little snippet on why I like each one so much.

#1 The Most Important Meal

While I’m not the biggest fan of receiving oral, I will basically get down on my knees and longingly dote upon pretty much anyone who wants me to orally pamper them with a well-selected lubricant.

This card encapsulates that desire in addition to having a wonderful, almost Victoriana vibe to it, and you know I can get down to that (literally, as it were).

#2 Make Me Wet

Give a vegan a card with two cute watermelons on it and you’re basically going to make them squee. Give them this card and you might just make them blush as well.

I think this is a card I’d be happy to receive as well as give. Coz, y’know, single female ladies are apparently almost as rare as unicorns.

#3 Against The Dog

I love dogs I have a PhD in them.

It’s pretty much best not to even ask ‘the dog question’ when it comes to me.

Gotta admire this cards honesty too.

Also it has a dog on it. Pretty much an easy sell.

#4 Cuddling With You

Yet another brutally honest one (and all the better for it).

I’m a very busy lady. If I’m not at the gym then I’m writing an article for this site or my other one, managing clients, consulting with companies, travelling to deliver talks, or doing social media on my phone (and that’s during a lax week).

Chances are in the evenings I’m still on my phone, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t still like a partner who totally gets that and is happy to cuddle up to me while I do so. Also they’ve gotta be vegan, a fitness enthusiast, kinky, and a fan of horror movies, and Youtube movie and horror analysis videos.

…Maybe that bar is set a tad too high.

#5 Safe Word

I’m kinky. I literally put my safety word in to my blogging pen name. ‘Nuff said.

#6 Laugh Hard

It’s always said that we like people for their positive traits but we love them for their flaws – those little quirks and mannerisms that are kooky, a bit off-kilter, or just downright bizarre. That person might not even like their little quirks but, to you, they are part of their perfection and why you love them so much.

This card encapsulates that for me (albeit, in a very specific way) and I adore it for that.

Now we just need a tooth gap, stretch mark, and wonky boob/dick card. (Also can the stretch mark card be something about seeing the story of a lover’s life in the lines of their skin. Pretty please?)

#7 Carpet Burns

What can I say about this card except ‘Unf‘?

The legs included are gorgeous, the font works well, and the mental picture that it paints (be you the one giving or receiving it)? Fuck yes.

The promise of a good time that this card offers is only met with the seductive way that it proposes said good time, and I am game.

#8 Bush Gush

This card taps in to my geekiness, my queerness, my pride at both of those things, and the aching wetness I feel when I’m looking the one I love up and down.

Basically it’s a perfect little offering for someone like me (or any other nerdy peeps in the LGBTQI) community.

Plus, let’s face it, that little pixelated heart is just kind of adorable.

#9 Face Sit/Punch

Again, this is another entirely honest one that I think delivers a good sense of humor partnered with a little bit of sex appeal.

Things may not have ended well with my primary ex and I, but I can certainly attest to the fact that sometimes this card really would have been spot on.

What is it they say in Avenue Q? ‘The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them?’

Wise words.

Aaaand, finally…

#10 Fucking Love

Short. Sweet. Brazenly honest. A bit Geordie, to some degree, but mostly relatable to anyone who feels romantic and sexual attraction.

This is a card for the honest couple who are open about their sexuality and hoping to laugh their way to a long and happy life together.

It says it all, really, and doesn’t feel the need to overstate itself, because there really isn’t a need at all.


The final card is up there as one of my solid favorites, but, again, I really would struggle to pick just one out of all of these.

The fact of the matter is that Love Layla have done a brilliant job this year, and I could have easily had a runner’s up list as well too.

I will be reviewing some of their Valentine’s selection later this month, and I wonder if any of my faves with be included.

If not I still don’t think I’ll be disappointed, because I’m just so generally impressed with what they have to offer.

The same cannot be said about my giveaway app. Screw sitting on that app’s face. I’ll just go for the punch, I think.*

Until the next review!

Emmeline.

*JK: I couldn’t hurt a fly.