Experience Review: My Hand(s)

I’m generally a vibrator kind of girl.

From the moment I made that very first connection with a vibe I suddenly became a lot less interested in squeezing a pillow of blanket sheets between my thighs and a lot more invested in finding the right electronic sensation to suit my needs.

I’ve never had any shame about this.

I’ve never felt desensitized or disconnected from my body in my pursuit of blasting my vulva with the strongest kit available.

And I’ve never felt there was anything wrong with other approaches to pleasure either.

Including my hands.

My Hand(s)

Reviewing my hands is perhaps one of the more random thoughts that has come to me but, when you get down to it, why the heck not?

When I pull my clothing down it’s all part of a sensuous and performative ritual that I make for myself. When I glide my hands over my body there is a tangible sense of arousal, and when I grasp my breasts firmly I can guarantee that my hands are more than pulling their weight in that motion.

That being said, I didn’t really feel like my hands met the criteria or ‘product’, ‘toy’ or anything else inanimate. My hands are an extension of myself – part of an autonomy – and so I’ve labelled this as an ‘experience’. My body and how I use it are what I make of it, after all, and I choose to make each moment an experience.

So let’s look at how I’ve chosen to use my hands over the years, and my general musings on their potential for sexual pleasure (and so much more).

Utilizing my hands is, I’ll admit, something that I’ve mostly downplayed over the years, and for that I’ve done myself a bit of a disservice.

It’s not that I haven’t used my hands, after all. On the contrary, they’ve been central to my sexual development over the years, I’ve just underestimated them up until this moment.

When I first took up a pillow, and slid it between my thighs, I did so with my hands, and my pleasure was always partially dependent on using my hands to keep that pillow firmly in place. I even, to some degree, found the feeling of my hands – the contrast of the plush pillow to the firmness of my knuckles and the pressure of my application, to be a critical aspect of reaching climax. I know this because, a few times, I tried to masturbate sans hands and found it to be highly ineffective.

This has translated in to how I use wands too.

I’m not savvy to how others like to hold their wands but, personally, I always have my left hand placed firmly on the broad head of the wand, nestling it closer to my vulva and angling and wiggling it subtly during use to reach peak performance. My right hand has the handle or another toy sorted, but there almost always had to be some placement on the wand head.

This applies to most clitoral toys and it why numbing buzz sensations are even more abhorrent to me – because my hand will be in direct contact with that buzz, and it’s bad enough for my vulva to have to endure that shit solo, but my hand as well? No dice.

Again, this hand-based pressure is an absolute prerequisite of my personal pleasure technique. It is an essential aspect of how I chose to love myself and experience pleasure in my own body and with others. My right hand may be diverse in its motions but my left hand is reserved for me and me alone. It is a sexual figure all its own. And that’s not even getting in to more direct approaches.

As iv’e said before, I’ve never really been a purely hand-based person, but there are a few ways that I’ve used, and enjoyed my hands, over the years that are worth mentioning.

Firstly, I learnt from a very young age that some pillows and blankets were good for using as an impromptu sex toy and others just aren’t. In such situations, my left hand came to save the day again.

My method was (and still sometimes is) simple – hand between thighs, close to the vulva (sometimes nestled in between my labia), squish the thighs together and begin clenching and thrusting the hips. This is probably what I’d call my ‘bare bones’ masturbation method, and it does the trick in moments of desperation and impulse. Basically, when I strip everything down to the bare bones, I will always return to my hand in the absence of all else, and my body will always rise to the challenge, which I think is pretty damned rad.

Then you have the supplementary aspects of hands – stroking the nipples, squeezing the breasts, gliding across the curves of my body, adding lubricant, feeling how it slides between my labia, slapping my vulva, adding pressure to my vulva, pushing my thumb firmly down on my clit, swirling around it delicately, sliding fingers in yo my body, moving up to the entire fist…oh god, fisting: Fisting alone is iconic, and it’s something I work up to with myself every time I want to take a larger toy, and it feels fantastic all the time.

Do yourself a favor at some point by sitting down and just listing all the ways you use your hands during sex. Not just the big motions, but every single motion that you can think of that brings pleasure to you. It might seem like a struggle at first but you’d be surprised at just how much hands bring to the table.

Even the simple things, like swirling some bodily fluids in between one’s thumb and index finger, can be a sublime sexual experience.

And then there’s the self-loving moments.

Real talk time: I really struggle with loving my body. This has been an ongoing struggle for me and it’s something I constantly have to manage.

But do you want to know one of the ways that I know I’m showing myself the love and care I deserve?

I catch myself stroking my body just from the sheer appreciation of it.

This, to me, says everything about my relationship with my hands, and what they bring to my physical and emotional experiences in life. My hands are objects of sexual pleasure but they’re also points of nurture and self-care and, to me, that makes them a perfect representation of what true sexual empowerment is all about.

Final Thoughts

Hands, like anything else, are not the prerequisite or primary focus of a healthy sex life, but they can play an important role and it’s one that is often overlooked.

It would be a bit vain for me to add a recommend to and do not recommend to section to this experience review, and would be pretty much redundant anyway. After all, my own experiences with my hands is pretty much personalized, and what yours do for you will be equally unique (and significant).

As for what my sexual partners think…I’ve been told they’re soft, buuut I’ve also got a heckuva load of callouses from lifting so I’ll just have to take people’s word for that. They’re also often freezing and ‘cold hands, warm heart’ is a phrase I hear often (as is ‘ice queen’ which, sure, I’ll take that).

What others think, though, is irrelevant to the amazing experiences that my hands have brought me over the years, and I’m very grateful that I’ve taken the time to stop and consider the potential that my own anatomy has when it comes to my health and enjoyment in life – sexually, emotionally, and mentally.

What part of your body do you appreciate the most? I’d love to know. Please feel free to comment below and I hope you liked this somewhat unusual review of mine.