Article: The Hammer Of My Heart (Objectum Sexuality Explored)

Them: It sounds like you had a pretty special and intimate relationship with this hammer and that losing it was almost comparable to losing a loved one.

Thor: [pauses] That’s a nice way of putting it.

Those were the words spoken to Thor in his newest movie feature by a character that I will not spoil but, needless to say, I’m a fan.

And, let’s face it, this other individual pretty much hit the nail on the head: Thor loves (loved) his hammer. If Thor could he’d probably have married his hammer and, if he found out objectum sexuality was an option, he probably would have fucked it too.

Never get between a man and his hammer.

Loving A Hammer (Or A Wall)

In 1979 the late Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer (1954-2015) married the Berlin wall, vowing to be dedicated to her inanimate love until death.

When the wall fell in  9 November 1989 Eija-Riitta found herself confronting that day, her heart breaking. She described the event as a ‘catastrophe’.

Eija-Riitta was an objectum sexual, a term that she coined in the 1970’s. In various interviews she recalled the first moment she saw the wall when she was 7 and the deep love she felt. It wasn’t until she was 12 or 13 that she began exploring the sexual aspect of her relationship, ‘coyly’ at first.

This was done remotely, of course. Eija-Riitta didn’t get to see her beloved in person until their wedding day. On first meeting she simply said ‘Wow. He’s more good looking than in the pictures’.

Objectum Sexuality

Remove the fact that Eija-Riitta’s lover was an inanimate object and you’d perhaps have a similar story to most long-distance relationships, or similar situations. But, as it stands, Eija-Riitta loved a wall and, for some people, that’s a bit of a confusing situation.

But Eija-Riitta was not alone with her admiration and still isn’t. Objectum sexuality is an acknowledged sexuality among many individuals, most of whom share their own relationships with different objects: be they fences, bows, statues, or even the Eiffel Tower.

Objectum sexuality is, as you’ve probably guessed by now, a form of sexuality where the individual is primarily (or solely) attracted to inanimate objects.

The term may have only been recently coined by Eija-Riitta, and has received criticism and disbelief because of it, but the notion goes back quite a way: Just think of the legend of Pygmalion, who loved his own statue.

Plus other sexualities that we regularly acknowledge can sometimes have an equally short-lived modern etymology: terms such as sapiosexual, for example, or even pansexual, which can only really be accredited back to 1917 (not really that long in the grand scheme of things!)

The point is that if we invalidated every word out there based on its longevity then we wouldn’t get very far at all. Some people are attracted to objects and that sexual identity is perfectly valid, as is the term for it.

Wait. This Is A Fetish, Surely?

Some people would suggest so. Many news outlets have considered objectum sexuality in terms of a fetish more than anything else.

Certainly, a fetish is defined as:

A form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.

Or, to go even further in to the routes of the term:

An inanimate object worshipped for its supposed magical powers or because it is considered to be inhabited by a spirit.

Fetishism’s link to object fixation and the rarity of objectum sexuality is probably what causes such attributions but it really is unfair.

For many objectum sexuals their attraction isn’t just sexual: It’s comprehensive. Emotionally, sexually, and romantically, objectum sexuals are interested in their literal object of affection, and they take their relationship with their chosen object (or objects) very seriously.

That’s right – you read that last sentence correctly – some objectum sexuals even engage in polyamory, showing just how complex and multifaceted objectum sexual relationships can be. Many more are engaged in full and dedicated monogamy too. Really, they are just like any other relationship.

But How Do Objectum Sexuals….Uhhhm…You Know?

Fuck?

Most likely how Thor would with his hammer: With great satisfaction.

To be a bit more helpful though, many objectum sexuals have found ways to work around the logistic of any larger items that they dedicate themselves to.

Eija-Riitta, for example, had multiple models of her beloved wall in varying scales. Some of these she displayed around her house, some she took to bed with her, and, chances are, there was some definite outercourse involved at the very least.

Equally, many other objectum sexuals will get models that they can insert, rub against themselves, or simply caress and admire while they masturbate.

Sex with an object is only limited if you defined sex in terms of penetration or PiV (Penis in Vagina) contact. The moment you broaden it objectum sexuals have a whole load of options, and so does everyone! Why make sex rigid? Perhaps we could all learn a little bit from the creative endeavors of objectum sexuality when it comes to intercourse.

The Takeaway

Objectum sexuality might be hard to swallow for some, but the same could be said for any sexuality that someone simply doesn’t share or ‘get’.

But, whether or not objectum sexuality is easily understood, it is valid and the sentiment behind it is real – the relationships as complex, fascinating, and admirable as any of the best out there.

And, to that end, allow me to finish this article on a love poem, authored by Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer herself:

I Dream About You

You beautiful Berlin Wall.
You are so very sexy, my Darling.
I will always be here for you. My love for you is
so strong as the concrete blocks which
holds you standing.
I often think of the times when you in my loneliness
have made me so happy.
My kisses will warm you, when the night comes.
My life begins and ends with you.

-Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, 18 June 1978.