Toy Review: The Bad Dragon Zaratan Kaiju Dildo

What’s this? Emerging from the depths of Bad Dragon’s ocean of sex toys?

An deep sea octopus, perhaps?

An ocean drake?

Why, no: It’s Bad Dragon’s very own take on the iconic kaiju monsters of Asian culture, and it is here to dominate whatever orifice it encounters!


Okay, okay, maybe that opening was a little cheesy, but a Peach has got to have some fun from time-to-time and, when it comes to Bad Dragon toys, it’s pretty hard not to surrender to their unique branding and have a little fun yourself.

All of Bad Dragon’s offering are a literal fantasy-come-true: As they take mythological creatures, ancient legends, and modern day monsters and merge them with the wonderful world of sex toys and adult desire to create the perfect combination of wish-fulfillment and a functionally interesting roster of adult products.

I mean, seriously, even if you dislike the idea of fucking a dragon, for instance, how about fucking a custom-made, personally selected object that has a variety of textures, variable size options, and all of the typical curvature and humanistic elements that make many dildos so great?

You’ll never find a toy that is identical in design to anything that Bad Dragon has to offer and, for that alone, their products are well-worth considering.

This is especially the case with Zaratan. In all my years reviewing I have honestly never encountered a toy quite like this and, now that I’ve tried it, there’s no going back.

The Bad Dragon Zaratan

As mentioned before, the Bad Dragon Zaratan is one of a few kaiju dildos from Bad Dragon. If you’re not too sure what a ‘kaiju’ is think Godzilla, Mothra, or (in more of a Western vein) the big monsters from the hit movie franchise, Pacific Rim.

Zaratan is one kaiju that has earned my admiration as a monster icon.

Kaiju are Japanese monsters with a larger-than-life presence and a penchant for destroying (or at least fighting in and inadvertently damaging) big cities. The term translates to ‘strange beast’ and Zaratan is a strange one for sure.

Although the shaft for the Zaratan is relatively straightforward – chunky, curved and textures with some veins and swollen sections – it’s the head of this dildo that really makes it stand out. If someone told me that a star-nosed mole and a megalobulimus oblongus got together and fucked on a toxic waste pile and that their subsequent child grew up to become Zaratan then I wouldn’t be surprised a single bit. But also I wouldn’t care, because this dildo is friggin amazing.

When I initially held the Zaratan in my hands its bizarre structure was so surreal that I had absolutely no idea what to do with it. Not a single clue. I mean, sure, it was going to going in my vagina, there was no debating that point. It also clearly had the capacity for use anally and with a harness, due to its flared base. But, beyond that I was as befuddled as a daily commuter seeing a gigantic leviathan rising from the ocean depths to come and demolish my workplace (and any chance of getting that next promotion).

How do?

My eventual instinct was to insert the Zaratan with its mole-like nose tip section facing upwards. This, I reasoned, would allow its curve to go upwards and thus hit my G-Spot.

No. No dice.

I wouldn’t rule this positioning out entirely but repeat testings have demonstrated to me that it’s not the best way to approach this toy and so I feel obligated to impart that information to you.

Upon that first failed insertion I swiftly removed my Zaratan and went for the rather counter-intuitive position of head up, curve down.

Yes. Yes. A thousand monster movie action scenes worth of yes.

 Although I presumed that angling the Zaratan this way would hinder contact with my G-Spot, the reverse was opposite: This position allowed the Zaratan to lay firmly on my G-Spot, the full spread of its head sitting comfortably and noticeably in place.

From there the frilled fringes of the Zaratan’s head seemed to splay outwards and caress my vaginal walls in a way unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. It was as if the fringes of the Zaratan uncovered and then revealed to me a fringed section of my G-Spot which had never been addressed before, and tickled and probed at this area with intense curiosity (or, to be more accurate, allowed me to).

This head though.

It didn’t take long for me to have an absolutely dominating orgasm with the Zaratan, where (although I was using a clit vibe) all attention seemed directed towards the depths of my vaginal canal and the tickling of its edges as my muscles contracted around this toy’s frilly offering.

Needless to say this first experience left me in awe and all subsequent explorations have been just as successful. The Zaratan is a design that is so peculiar that I suppose peculiar orgasms were always going to be the result, but to know that these peculiar orgasms are also a roaring success is something well worth praising.

Like all Bad Dragon toys, the Zaratan is made from a premium silicone, which can be ordered in various colours, sizes, and firmnesses. I picked the mini, in a medium firmness, and a ‘Starlight Glow’ coloration. This means that my Zaratan actually glows in the fucking dark, which I think is a must for any kaiju related product.

The silicone is a glossy but incredibly clingy and grabby type of silicone, which acts as a dust-magnet and will require lubricant as pretty much an essential item. This is probably the biggest downside of the Zaratan, but given that it’s non-porous, phthalate-free, and completely body-safe you can feel assured that a good clean with soap and water will make sure that the Zaratan is safe and hygienic for intimate use.

As for the firmness, I found medium great for vaginal use and feel like it gave the edge of the Zaratan’s head the exact degree of tenderness needed for the results it yielded. That being said it was very squishy and, as such, I do recommend going firmer for anal use. Alternatively you can purchase some silicone firmness samples and then decide for yourself. Sure, it’s extra hassle (and only really an option if you’re not international, due to shipping expenses) but it could be the difference between a toy you love and a toy you’re disappointed with.

Final Thoughts

Just as my Zaratan glows in the dark, I find myself beaming at the effect this toy has on me and I have sincerely learnt more about my body and pleasure points through using it.

The bizarre shape of the Zaratan might not be for everyone (and my animal links may not have helped for some people) but if you do find yourself drawn to the Zaratan then I say don’t hesitate. Decide what size you’re likely to be able to take and then click on those customize and buy buttons like there’s no tomorrow.

Then just hope that a giant mech doesn’t come to try and defeat your dildo and send it back to an alternate universe, or some other plot intricacy, because this is a toy that you may never want to let go of.

Recommend to:

People who like peculiar shapes.

People who like texture.

People who like broad heads.

Do Not Recommend to:

People who dislike texture.

People who dislike broad heads.

People who dislike mostly smooth shafts.

The Bad Dragon Zaratan was provided to me by Bad Dragon in exchange for an honest review.