Article: Circumspect Climaxes (Concealing Your Sex Life)

Sex and masturbation are awesome, amazing, and deserve visibility. But not everyone has the luxury of this.

Some people may be living in shared accommodation (such as university dormitories, residential care homes, or temporary accommodation/hostels). Some people may share a space with very intrusive individuals who will judge them, or some may find that the people they share their time/space with have very strong religious or political values that would make the topic of self-pleasure one to keep strictly confidential.

Plus some of us just don’t want to be openly sexual, and that’s fine too. Sex positivity means giving people the choice in how they interact with sex, after all, not policing individuals and enforcing visibility it all instances.

You have the right to protect yourself by keeping your sex life hidden.

With all this in mind I thought I’d put together a quick and easy guide concerning how to keep your adult product and self-pleasuring habits as clandestine as possible.

#1 Make Sure Your Lube Can Be Easily Stashed

Lubricant is a must-have for many individuals.

Even if you find yourself flowing with natural fluids I suggest you give lubricant a try, just for some variation, and for things such as anal, grabby silicone toys, and masturbation sleeves/Fleshlights it’s a must.

Unfortunately a lot of lubricants are pretty transparent (in more ways than one) so you’ll want to make sure you select non-indicative brands that don’t specify ‘lubricant’ on the front of the bottle or small and easy to stash sachets for your lubricant.

Alternatively you can invest in some plain clear travel bottles and a funnel to transfer your lube to less obvious containers. In this case you’ll want to make sure your lube isn’t too goopy or gel-like. That never goes well.

#2 Opt For Smaller Toys

A bit of a bummer for those that like their toys a bit bigger or representational, but it’s one way to make sure that your toys can be easily hidden away, easily brought out for use, and quickly hidden under the sheets (or anything else that’s close) in an emergency situation.

I was recently in a situation where there were four people in a single house with only one bedroom. A tiny portable bullet was my lifeline. Long term i’d recommend a sturdier bullet but the premise is the same.

#3 Opt For ‘Not-Toy’ Toys

If you have a very, very innocent room mate then you might be able to get away with going the other route and getting one of the biggest toy types on the market: A wand massager.

If asked any questions you can say, completely straight faced, that it’s not a sex toy – It’s an electronic massager – and if they try it on their back it’ll be hard for them to disagree.

I legitimately use my Doxy for exercise relief almost as much as I do sexual relief, so you could easily get away with this if confident enough in your assertion. And if they go Google searching and find out otherwise then there’s always the option to play dumb. Protect yo self (and then pleasure yo self).

The only big downside here: noise levels. There’s no escaping the sound of a Magic Wand.

#4 Opt For ‘Abstract Toys’

If you have a rainbow colored unicorn horn on your shelf chances are people will think you’ve just succumb to the recent pony-phase that has struck the internet by storm. And, to be fair, you have, just a bit more than they might ever suspect.

Abstract toys are brilliant for products that you can hide in plain sight without people even giving them a second glance. The new Womanizer could pass for a chunky new beauty accessory. The entire Tenga 3D line looks like an art statement (complete with plastic display container), and the Crave line does sex toys disguised as jewelry and USB sticks.

These are especially good if you want to be secretly open about your sex positivity to in-the-know individuals but don’t want anyone else to know (plus many of the just look awesome and perform brilliantly, especially the Tenga line).

#5 Keep Volume In Mind

Even if some toys look inconspicuous they can be incredibly loud during use, and that’s an issue. Always try and opt for quiet toys where possible.

A word to the wise: Many companies will say that their product is ‘whisper quiet’ when it’s just not. Always check out professional and user reviews in order to get a better idea as to the volume of your toy.

Lelo has some good options for quiet an discreet vibrators. The Mia being a good strong and small choice for the clit and the Billy for anal (though the Billy does look rather obvious).

#6 Never Underestimate The Value Of Storage 

One of the best ways to keep your sex toys under wraps is to make sure that they’re safely out of sight and out of mind.

A good makeup bag can suffice, but nosy people (or those who like to ‘share’ without asking) may end up opening these without permission and rumble your rumblies.

Thankfully lots of adult companies offer products now that can easily pass as makeup bags, tool boxes, or similar which also come with an easy locking system to keep your sex life safe and sound.

Plus, let’s face it, putting your desires under lock and key does have its own sexy angle to it.

#7 Consider Your Environment

If showers are the best situation to enjoy yourself then get waterproof toys. If you are worried about sound then use music to conceal any noises (and, just to add to the fun, get a music-triggered vibe to experiment).

Some vibrators also overheat when under the sheets, so always check that your toy is compatible with your needs before making a purchase.

No matter the situation, just remember that, despite your circumstances, sexual pleasure is possible under any circumstance. It may be incredibly difficult in certain situations (many of the toys listed here, for example, may be outside of people’s price range), but there will always be a way for you to seek your pleasure and sexual wellbeing, even if it’s not in ideal circumstances.

I believe in you, and I hope this guide has been of use to you.

Go fourth and seek satisfaction! (With ninja-like discretion, of course).

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