Article: Sex Advice From Lolcats

I may have gone to great lengths to make sure that I got Doge in to my PhD thesis  (Much professional. Many academic) but the best words of wisdom on the net is imparted by our furry overlords, cats.

Cats have been dominating ‘teh interwebz’ since 2006 and are well on their way to world domination via meme and .gif power alone.

On April 1 2017 they began their onslaught on the adult blogging world – fueled by catnip and a desire to be petted precisely three times and NO MORE – so now we might as well all just submit.

So, today, I bring to you lessons from the feline grape vine when it comes to sex and relationships. Don’t worry – there are no barbed penes here – just .gifs and a childish sense of humor.

Let the lessons clawmmence!

Let Your Enthusiasm Shine Through 

When a cat is excited you fucking know it.

Oh, sure, they may have been a regal beast 2 seconds prior but get their attention and they flip their shit.

Enthusiastic consent is one of the cornerstones of a good sexual exchange and relationship.

When you love something let that shine through in honest and dorky merriment.

Who has time to repress joy in their life?

Let Your Partner/s Know How You Like To Be Touched (respectfully, of course)

 

Sex is an exchange, a conversation of the flesh. And, just like any other conversation, only you will fully and confidently know your stance and what you want from the dialogue.

Don’t assume that your partner will share your preferences, nor even know what you like. If you want to be touched in a certain way then relay this info to your partner/s. They are not mind readers.

This doesn’t mean you have to be rude, of course, nor critical. It can be as simple as saying ‘kiss my neck’, complimentary  (‘I love it when you rub me firmly there’), or more physical ‘want to see how I like to be pleasure?…You can try that if you’d like).

Courteous fucking FTW!

No Means No

‘No no no no no’…means no.

Even if you’re mid fucking.

Even if you both agreed to do something.

Even if you’ve done it a hundred times before together.

The moment someone expresses a desire to stop, be it timeout, a safe word,  or stopping altogether, that should be 100% respected.

No ifs.

No buts.

Just No.

Never Be Ashamed To Strut Your Sexy Stuff

 

 

Despite what that self-defeatist voice that lives in your head might say, you are sexy as fuck, so don’t be afraid to show it.

If you feel your booty jiggling them embrace that hip-wiggling action. If you wanna strut your stuff then do it.

Who gives a damn what anyone else thinks?

What matters is your self-loving, independently encouraging awesomeness.

I can’t guarantee someone will make a .gif of you, but Beyoncé will be sending you a spiritual high-five.

Rest And Aftercare Are A Must

So you’ve just had the best sex or BDSM session ever. Awesome. Hopefully the above kitty’s advice acted as a purrfect supplement to your own sexual prowless.

Now, give yourself permission to rest. To be pampered. To just let the world pass by.

This is very important after sex, and there’s no shame in taking the time to meet your needs.

If a cat wants to laze it will do so without a care in the world. And if a cat can fit that in (amongst it’s busy schedule of Internet stardom) then so can you.

Take this advice and apply it to your daily life too, because too many of us neglect moments of rest and relaxation or dismiss them as selfish or trivial.

They’re not.

They’re essential.

Give yourself permission to do absolutely nothing.

The cats command it.

Aaaand That’s All For Now!

All silliness aside, these pieces of advice are important and should help you if you take them to heart.

Just goes to show – life lessons are everywhere around us, if only we stop to heed their beckoning meows.