Product Review: Viva Cream Arousal Gel For Women

Don’t say it.

I know what you’re thinking:

‘Why in Aphroditie’s name is Emmeline reviewing a product like this?’

The Viva Cream is obviously a cheaply branded, dime-a-dozen sensation gel. What’s more, it’s tacky. Not just normal tacky but more 90’s-daytime-romance-tv-riding-a-white-stallion-on-a-beach-at-sundown tacky.

I’m not exaggerating here either: my small sampler may have sported the cliche of a blonde, lustful woman beckoning on the front (to which I say ‘uhm…isn’t this product marketed to cis het women tho?’) but the larger packet literally has an image of a couple kissing at sundown on a beach together.

Seriously?

Wowsa.

This probably gives you a better idea of why this product caught my attention, but this alone would never had swayed me. What did was the description given for this product. Which reads as thus:

*Ahem*

Finally, a product that really works for women.

I have many words.

Viva Cream Arousal Gel For Women

Before I get to the obvious fun i’m planning with this review I must be true to my professional roots and give this product an honest appraisal. So specs.

The product in sample form.

The Viva Cream Arousal Gel For Women is an arousal gel marketed (precariously) towards the social standard of ‘Woman’ but which will work for anyone with a clit (and those with a penis, for that matter).

The gel claims to be a ‘unique combination of herbal extracts, vitamins, and amino acids in a pure, clear, non-sticky gel’.

Look at all those fancy terms. I mean amino acids? Herbal extracts? So unique! (And pure too).

What does this all break down to? Well, here are the ingredients:

Propylene Glycol, Cetyl Hydroxethylcellulose, Water, Tromethamine, Menthol, Niacin, Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil, Methylparaben, L-citrulline.

So a standard menthyl-based stimulant gel. One with parabens too.

For those not in the know, parabens mimic estrogen when entering the body which can disrupt natural hormone functions. This can increase cancer risks (especially breast cancer) and mess with the effectiveness of one’s reproductive organs.

Not necessarily what you want from a product.

Peppermint oil can also aggravate some people’s bodies, causing a burning sensation or increasing the risk of an infection.

Propylene Glycol is fairly common in adult products. It will be an unwelcome addition to some minds, as it has been reported to cause irritation, but there is evidence contesting this.

As for the gel itself, well, it really is clear as advertised – in that it’s akin to any other translucent gel product. It’s quite thick but not at all sticky or clingy, which is another tick in its favour.

Scent-wise it has the expected slightly peppermint aroma of a menthyl product paired with a metallic undertone. It is only really detectable when holding the product close, so no big deal.

Taste-wise this gel is unpleasantly metallic and one to avoid if considering oral. Remember: I do these things so you don’t have to.

The Viva Cream is easy enough to spread over the intended area and a small amount is all that is needed to get the desired effect.

What effect may that be?

Well, if I can be brazen enough to quote the product description again:

Each ingredient is chosen for its proven effects on the sensitive tissues of women.

Together, these ingredients can stimulate and potentiate a woman’s desire.

So, in a nutshell, the mint is supposed to give a tingling effect which can cause enhanced sensitivity on the genitals and thus increase arousal and the user’s chances of climax.

Was that really so hard to say?

Apparently yes, at least if the overly exaggerated language of the product description are anything to go by.

I think what annoys me most about the Viva Cream is that it seems to want to claim complete mastery over the sexual experiences of cis het women and yet seems utterly incapable of being direct and honest with what it’s offering.

‘Stimulate and potentiate a woman’s desire’?

You’re an orgasm gel. You’re hoping to cause orgasms. Don’t beat around the bush here.

Oh baby, potentiate me.

Also can I just say that I have never heard the word ‘potentiate’ used anywhere pretty much ever. But apparently my Word spellchecker is cool with it, so I guess that’s a thing.

The whole thing would be (fuck it, is) laughable, but the chuckles stop when it comes to the claim of being a product that ‘Finally’ works for women.

I mean finally, right?

I might as well just chuck my wands and Satisfyers aside and shun my Sliquid because those babies have been beat.

Except they haven’t.

And the Viva Cream burns like the hot coals of hell

And some people will take its claims seriously.

And that’s where I draw the line.

Many of you may have seen this gel and immediately rolled your eyes, letting out a *pfft* at its claims. But curiosity got me hunting for customer reviews of this product and I didn’t like the results.

In a testament to just how reliable Amazon reviews can be, many were 5 star short reviews: typically 1 line/paragraph, typically from someone who had yet to use the product, and sometimes from people claiming how much their wife loved it (the marketing tactics suddenly make more sense).

The rest? It burns.

About right.

Some even feel betrayed: One commented on how the only good thing about the product was that it had taught them not to trust ratings alone. I like this person.

But imagine just how many people did get this product based on the rating. Imagine how many have been stung (quite literally) by this 90’s romance cliche gel. It’s not a pleasant thought.

Final Thoughts

The Viva Creme Arousal Gel For Women is not a good product. It’s not worth 5 stars and there’s a high chance it will burn on impact.

Worst, its marketing is over-inflated, arrogant, confused, and potentially damaging.

Do not buy this product. Not even for a joke. I got mine through Lube and a Laptop and I still feel like a refund is due.

And, please, don’t get this for your wife. Get a good wand, a reliable lubricant, or a safer arousal gel.

‘Finally, a product that really works for women’?

Jog on.

Recommend to:

People who happen upon this product for free and want to gather it up so no one fall victim of its goopy sting.

Sex museums: For posterity regarding how arrogant some retailers really were

People who always wanted a preview of hell’s smouldering sensations and have a reckless streak.

Do Not Recommend to:

The sensible.

The sane.

Anyone.

This review contains affiliate links, because I’d like to think my rare salty tone is worth some monetary lovin’.