He comes up to me, sweeping his arms under my own and grasping at my chest from behind. He adorns my shoulders with fleeting kisses and gently moves up to my neck.
I shudder—a mixture between arousal and that knee-jerk tickle reflex—I don’t entirely dislike it. Then he utters his request:
“How about we let Theia* do some of her crafting while we go upstairs and fuck?”
I weigh up the options and succumb to the obvious temptation.
Polyamory is a recent endeavor of mine (like about a week officially) and thus I don’t consider myself an expert at all, but one thing that I have found particularly interesting is the division of sexual activity in the relationship and the way that sexual interactions are managed.
For the most part, it comes naturally—I’m an early bird, Mr Peaches and Theia are night owls. This means that I’ll usually be up for some daytime activity whereas Theia and Mr Peaches can talk, fuck, and fondle the night away with the sort of insatiable glee that is so sweet about new lovers.
But, of course, there are times when one of us isn’t feeling well, when we go out, or when we have other duties to attend to (life is a thing, I hear).
In these instances, the routine can be disrupted—some may get more sex than others. Some may also have certain desires that aren’t immediately satisfied. Such is the dynamic of adding more people to the mix.
The Impact Of Sexual Timeshare
What does this mean in the grand scheme of things?
Well, one thing I learnt very quickly is that if you always want to be at the centre of sexual attention, or if you’re very jealous then managing multiple partners may not be the healthiest thing for you.
For now, as it goes, I am perfectly happy whenever I see Mr Peaches and Theia skip off merrily to bed, or see his hands slide underneath her trousers to caress her smooth, pure skin. When they smile, playfight, and pinch at each other’s body I can’t help but get a huge grin on my face. When I see the aftermath feel joy and can’t wait to discuss sex toys and methods with my two special partners.
And, of course, I’m not opposed to joining in.
Three’s A Crowd?
They say that three is a crowd but I beg to differ.
I’ve only had one experience with us as a triad so far (or, as I like to call it, a ‘fusion’) but it felt like the best kind of collaborative project.
Learning the dynamics of motion and emotion is thrilling and deeply intimate. Seeing what we can do and how we can defy the standard expectations of sexual gratification and activity is exhilarating, and I cannot state enough how brilliant it is to be able to tag out when I want to change pace and have Theia take over (and vice versa).
It was also wonderful to take somewhat of a spectator mode at times—to think on what toys and actions to bring in to play and then go about realizing the intricacies of the play session as they exist in my mind.
Honestly, having only been with one individual before, I have no idea if I’m a competent lover or not but I love that I get to try with the support of Mr Peaches and we’re all exploring each other’s capabilities with honesty and the absence of judgement.
A Table For Two?
But, of course, having to satisfy the needs to multiple different relationship dynamics also leads to even more logistical planning.
If we have a threesome then shall we fuck again later?
Do we do so as a group or as pairs?
How might that make the other individual feel?
How can we fit all this fucking in to the day alongside more tender (but still crucial) bonding experiences?
All these things need to be considered and there’s not always a straight-forward answer (especially in a relationship that’s 2/3rds Queer).
She’s A Killer Queen
You may also notice that, although Theia and I are both sexually available to each other, we’ve mostly centred our play around Mr Peaches for now.
Part of this is just due to the natural progression of our relationship—Mr Peaches knew Theia first, he loved her first, and he instigated our relationship dynamic. As such we’ve had our encounters purely focused around him. But there’s also another element to this…
Referring back to my inexperience I am the shyest sexual partner that you could imagine at the start of a relationship. I know that Mr Peaches can satisfy Theia without me, but I sometimes struggle to believe that I could do the same.
This is a musing I’ve only just fully formed in this article so sorry Theia for not telling you sooner: You know I think you’re a stunner.
I also can’t help but wonder: Having been the centre of attention so far, how will Mr Peaches react if/when Thea and I go off together without him? Both myself and Theia have experienced being in another room of the house while he has shown us his undeniable appreciation of our bodies, but he has not been in that position himself. It’s an interesting hurdle that we’ll have to deal with at the time.
So How Does This Apply To Others?
Firstly, kudos to you for deciding to read this article for so long considering my obvious inexperience. This question, as with any relationship one, is a hard one, and can only stretch to your situation so far. But if you truly do value the advice of my noob-ish self then I suppose I have the following to say.
Make sure that you value your partners in your own unique and personalized way. Caring for your lover’s needs doesn’t mean making sure that they get like-for-like treatment, and the idea of presenting chocolate and flowers in equal division is utter nonsense.
Each person in the relationship has their own set of needs and as long as you’re attentive of all the various needs involved in the dynamic then you’re on the right track.
We’ve also found being open and honest in various ways to be hugely helpful. For example, we IM each other in a group but we also do so individually (and we value our partner’s rights to varying relationship dynamics and privacy). We also talk in person, play Q&A games, and keep individual journals where we write love letters to each other.
The more lines of communication that are open the better it is for everyone involved and the more trust that can be fostered and cultivated.
Because, trust, me; the last thing you want is for anyone to be left out or excluded, and I’m trying my very hardest to make sure this isn’t the case for my two darling partners.
*Upon her request, Theia’s name has been changed to maintain her anonymity for now.
I picked the name for very personal reasons but here are some fun facts that might interest y’all: Theia is the Goddess of the sun, dawn, and moon. She is heavily associated with sensitivity, serenity, and creativity as well as artistic image.
My Theia is a Goddess too (and they share each trait).
I adore her.