Interview: A Wonderful Woman Named Stacey

I’ve been blessed in life to meet and speak with many amazing and awe inspiring individuals. Not every one of these people is willing to disclose their life and that’s absolutely fine. Life is complex and we all have the right to hold our personal experience as close (and hushed) to our hearts as we wish.

But occasionally one of these individuals agree to open up–sometimes to help themselves, sometimes to help others, sometimes both. 

Stacey was one of the lovely individuals who was kind and brave enough to do so. 

We all blossom in life. Some do so in beautiful solitude and others in the light of the sun for all to see.

Stacey is not an adult performer, nor a sex toy crafter, nor adult retailer, but she is, without a doubt, extraordinary, and I feel humbled that she has allowed me this interview.  

But enough of me, let’s allow Stacey to tell her tale.

Thank you so much m’dear for agreeing to this interview! Before we get into the particulars perhaps you could tell us a bit about who you are and your gender/sexual identity?

Hello nice to have this interview, I’ve been getting excited about sharing my story.

Hi everyone! My name is Stacey, I’m 28 years old, I live in the U.K. And I’ve been out for about 2/3 years now while going on HRT (hormone replacement therapy for those that don’t know) in the last year. I’m an avid photographer and I love to do tabletop roleplay and LARP (live action roleplay).

I identify as female and have been living full time for about 2 years now, it’s been tough but it’s been incredibly rewarding! I would also describe myself as Bi, leaning towards Pan sexual these days.

Perhaps another cliché question but when did you realize that your gender and body didn’t align?

Good question, and a question I get asked a fair amount.

I first found that I was “not the same as other boys” at a young age, I’d say 5-7 years old. I can remember being confused about who I was and why I was a boy and not a girl. It was a very confusing time and I thought that everyone was going through it and it was the norm.

Later in life it started to become harder and harder to deal with. I had a crippling fear developing that if I told anyone, especially my immediate family, I would be disowned. I found this wasn’t the case when I came out to them, but it was a fear none the less.

Teenage years was when it was really bad, and puberty was the worst for me. I had the thought that “my body will correct itself” during this time. I was wrong. In a way my body betrayed me and turned me into a man. I didn’t like my body, I hated it for what I did during this time. But being on HRT has really helped my body image and being comfortable in my own skin.

Adult life has been difficult for me especially right before I came out, it felt like it was bubbling to the surface, I had to tell someone, on June 22nd I came out and it changed my life forever.

Like myself, you’re an avid role player (tabletop and live action). Do your experiences as a transgender individual every impact your character choices?

An interesting question, for most of the time I play a female character, but because of my “male face and armour” I don’t have the opportunity to be gendered correctly as a female, apart from the people that know me.

I guess I always like playing a female in roleplay games as it allows me time, and if the GM/ ST (game master/ story teller) wants to, can help me work on this aspect of myself and helps me deal with the social pressure that I face day to day.

How have you found the transition process so far? What are some of the highs and some of the lows?

The transition process is an on going thing, there is so much to learn about being female and the issues that it brings.

I’ll start with the lows and end on a high note.

The lows have been where I was walking back from work one day and I was about to cross the road. I was waiting there patiently where this man leans out of the window of his moving van and yells “fa..ot” to me. I was stunned, and confused, it took a moment to realise he was talking about me. It hurt me for weeks and stopped me going out in feminine cloths as much. But with help I’ve started going out in skirts and dresses now.

There are a few other down sides but I want to focus on the good now.

I was gendered correctly for the first time, it was at work and it made me feel amazing! It was so freeing and I was grateful to that man for saying it. It was a simple thing for him to say, but had a massive impact on me and made me smile (this was before the incident above).

My friends accepting me for who I am, I came out to a large portion of them at once and everyone was surprised but accepting. I can’t thank them enough for their support!

Telling my parents and close friends was hard, but the same with my friends, they were accepting and supportive of my decision to go ahead with it and become the true me.

Also with the process, it’s exactly like going through puberty again. The body is just older and not everything changes like it did when you are in the puberty years. I’ve found that I’m starting to like my body more and more, my skins softened, my breasts have developed (38DD/40D so far and still growing!) my hips have widened, not everyone my age has that so I’m blessed by that. My beard has started to thin out as well, but I am helping it along with some hair removal treatment.

These are some of the many highlights.

Period-feelz are a common point of discussion for us, but this may confuse some people. Could your explain what periods are like for a transwoman and what they mean for you?

Not everyone believes transwomen can get periods, however they happen, but I don’t get clues.

I can happily go to sleep one day, everything could be right in the world. Then I wake up and feel like death, everything hurts / sensitive to the touch, my moods all over the place. At first it started off lightly, but now it’s hard to control my emotions. I have a period tracker to help me keep track of things. It creeps up on me and I don’t have the obvious sign of a period. I don’t have a womb so I don’t bleed obviously but the hormones still affect me just the same. The human body works in cycles and even though I don’t have ovaries, I still have oestrogen going through me.

I’ve always wanted periods, I wanted to experience what they were like, now I know and every woman I knew said ” why are you wanting them? They suck!” I’m happy I have them now, but they are right, they do suck!

Equally, we’ve spoken a lot about sexual exploration. No pressure but do you have any thoughts you’d want to share on the topic?

I don’t mind sharing my thoughts on this.

Basically I’ve never done anything sexual to my body before, as I said earlier, I hated being male, so why would I acknowledge my male anatomy? Now that I have breasts and a more feminine figure I’m exploring my body, avoiding my male anatomy, I enjoy my body a lot more and am willing to experiment more. Some places are more open to being experimented on, but I’ll build up to it.

You are interested in massage and photography (and qualified in both). Have you ever explored your trans identity through these mediums? If so then how?

To be honest I haven’t with either, but it has been something I’d like to look into.

I’m looking to go back to massage and see where I can take it, not everyone will be happy being treated by a transwomen, but most people where I work see me as female. So it’s all good.

What has been your best experience when transitioning so far?

My best experience was when my body was becoming more feminine, by the things I’m most looking forward to is my face being more feminine. My hips/ legs/ bum/ boobs and hair all look feminine and from behind people see me as female.

My second favourite part has to be when I started going up bra sizes, that was an exciting time for me, as it was a thing that showed I was starting down the road to womanhood, and it was a symbol that people could identify me as female as I had breasts.

If you had the calm and considered ear of someone who was intolerant to trans individuals what would you say to them?

A good question and I’ve put some thought into it.

I was at a car boot sale a while ago, there was this mother and child, the child was wearing a pinkish colour. A person said “oh what a cute girl you have there!” She then replied “oh, he’s a boy” this caused some confusion to this person, but eventually accepted that this child was a boy.

The child had no control of what was put on it, the mother did. Now think of this for a moment, it’s what it feels like being trans. Imagine if you would, this child being your inner self. This child was wearing the opposite clothes to you, it has no control over what it wears or how it presents itself. That is how you feel inside, you can’t change the cloths as you were born with it on the inside. Now your outer self dressed differently to how your inner self does, this causes some confusion and as you grow, so does the child. It grows into say a skirt and top, or trousers and shirt (stereotypes I know but for this it’s easier to explain this way) now you are dressing a different way further still, even more confusion, and as you grow older this once child is in torment because you aren’t listening, or you are and not knowing what to do.

That is essentially how trans feels, to me at least, it’s a confusion between how you feel inside and how you present yourself outside.

And, finally, is there anything you wish to say to people in a similar position to you?

It’s a tricky one, as not everyone is in the same position I am.

If you are feeling like this, it hurts, I know, trust me. You feel lost and confused in a world that expects you to perform in your born gender. The road isn’t easy, but it is so worth doing! It is worth living a life where you are comfortable in your own skin. I know people who have done it in their 50’s and are living life now. It doesn’t matter when you come out, but they have lives most of their lives in secret.

Tell someone you trust, or go online to trans support groups. I was lucky enough that my friends rallied around me and I’ve made closer friends because of this. Not everyone is as fortunate as me, but hopefully you will too.

If nothing else your doctor, especially in the UK, will be more receptive of it and will usually listen to you.

It’s Stacey’s deepest desire that this interview help those most at need. If you’re impacted at all by this interview then please don’t hesitate to email me or to contact your local trans charities.