Toy Review: The Teddy Love Plush Bear Vibrator

There are two lessons that I have learnt from testing the Teddy Love. The first is that teddy bears are not always easy to fuck. The second is that they are always good to cuddle.

Teddy Love released in 2015 to the general consensus of ‘why!?‘ and had me grinning at the premise.

I’m no plushophile but I did learn to masturbate with my duvet and a pillow, so plush sensations have a fondness to them for me.

Am I officially weird yet? #TeddyLove

A post shared by Emmeline Peaches (@emmelinepeaches) on

It’s because of this that I perhaps swim against the reviewer’s stream here by saying that I really enjoyed the Teddy Love BUT I still cannot recommend it.

Allow me to elaborate.

The Teddy Love Plush Bear Vibrator

The Teddy Love is exactly what it sounds like: a plush teddy bear that doubles as a sex toy. Specifically the Teddy Love has a TPE muzzle which vibrates.

Would you have a picnic with this teddy bear?

Teddy sticks out its tongue to give a bit more precision and how you use it is up to you. A muzzle is a pretty general thing to navigate, so your options are open.

The Teddy Love is powered by 3 AA batteries and, unlike most sex toys, you’ll actually need a screw driver to get access to the battery compartment.

What is this? The 90s!?!

Of course, there’s a reason for this. Teddy Love has a strong appeal to adult babies and toddlers. Because of this there’s an element of childishness to the Teddy Love.

The battery compartment is in the back of Teddy Love, just like a kid’s toy, it needs to be unscrewed and then awkwardly shoved back in to its pouch, like a kid’s toy, and paw presses and its ears control speed and patterns (of which there are 10 in total), again, like a kid’s toy.

Teddy Love is 20 inches tall all told, making it a very good size for hugging and its muzzle is 3.75 inches in average length.

Let’s start my appraisal of this toy with what I liked about it.

Catering to my traditional masturbation methods, the Teddy Love had a bit of an edge when it came to me. I’m very used to shoving plush objects between my legs and then thrusting and squeezing my way to orgasm.

But I haven’t naturally masturbated this way regularly for years and so using the Teddy Love was rather nostalgic to me. Straddling this cuddly bear’s face, I felt like I was reconnecting with an aspect of my sexual self that I hadn’t touched upon (pun intended) in years.

I can’t help but enjoy being with the Teddy Love.

It was profound and comforting for me and so orgasms with the Teddy Love had an affection to them which is hard to replicate if you don’t share that background of learning your body through the toys, pillows, and blankets in your life.

And then, after climaxing with the Teddy Love, I could cuddle it. This, for me, was everything. It felt so wonderfully loving and, dare I say, nurturing to snuggle up to something soft, fuzzy, and made for purpose after a masturbation session.

Honestly I could lie with Teddy Love for a solid hour after using it; it feels like a toy with built-in aftercare and the comfort I feel hugging my teddy only strengthens my soft spot for this toy.

Which is why I have to offer some tough (teddy) love when it comes to this toy.

Teddy Love,

I adore you.

And I want you to succeed.

But you seriously need to up your game.

There are so many objective faults with the Teddy Love that it seriously makes me sad, because the world deserves a safe and effective teddy bear vibrator and the Teddy Love isn’t it.

First let’s look at that battery pack again. I get the premise, I really do, but nowadays a screw-access battery pack on a sex toy is just not acceptable.

People don’t want to pull out their tool box in order to gain access to their vibrations–especially when rechargeable USB based vibrator are now commonplace and often as affordable as the Teddy Love.

Also just because the Teddy Love’s battery compartment successfully reminds me of childhood toys doesn’t mean that’s a good thing.

I always hated it when my toys had big bulky compartments in their back. I remember my mum’s frustration at seeing a battery pack required a screwdriver and I shared in her frustration when my toy died and she wasn’t around to help.

In the end I would often cut the electronics out and just have my toy as a static toy and the urge to do the same with the Teddy Love is intense.

Plus, because of this old school system the Teddy Love is not waterproof, which is a problem.

I don’t care how careful you are; if you use Teddy Love you will get sweat, lube, and other bodily fluids on your teddy. But because it can’t be properly cleaned it can never be made fully hygienic. No thank you.

Further to this, the Teddy Love’s TPR muzzle is porous, meaning it will also seep up fluids, and it can’t be removed for cleaning (another oversight).

Oh, it’s also insanely rigid and downright uncomfortable.

Why!?!

I reached orgasm with the Teddy Love but that was because I’m familiar with mounting cuddly toys and positioning them to work for me. Even then the Teddy Love felt awkward, cumbersome, and faaaar too firm.

This is a teddy bear. People are hoping for a soft and plush experience, not rigid surfaces and potential pain. Why Teddy Love, why?

As for the vibrations? They’re surface-level, buzzy, and paltry. Power Queens would likely throw the Teddy Love coldly aside and even those hoping for a gentle hum may find themselves disappointed at this toy’s range.

This is all so frustrating. My adorable teddy sex toy is something I can’t bear to recommend and, instead, I’m left offering suggestions for how to make Teddy Mk. 2 a pawsome success.

  • Make any attempt at Teddy Mk. 2 waterproof. This bear needs to be washable in order to be viable.
  • Ditch the retro battery pack and opt for a rechargeable alternative. A lot of waterproof toys now are also rechargeable so it can be done.
  • Simplify the controls. Put them on the muzzle.
  • Make the muzzle detachable so that it can be independently cleaned (and perhaps even used).
  • Sort those vibrations! Deep, rely,  resonant. This is a bear, make those vibrations grizzly and roaring in their strength.
  • Soften the muzzle and make it from a body safe material.  Silicone is your friend.

This may seem like a lot but, really, most of it can be rectified by making the muzzle detachable and really considering it as engines effective sex toy rather than just a playful novelty item.

And yes, I know this would up the Teddy Love’s RRP (currently $39.95) but I’d rather invest in an effective niche sex toy then spent a small amount on an unhygienic teddy tease of a toy that could be so much more.

Final Thoughts

Overall, I love the premise of Teddy Love (and the wonderful cuddles it gives) but overall it feels like a prototype for a sex toy rather that a fully realized adult product.

Teddy Love are currently selling their bear with different accessories, to help expand upon its uses but, really, I feel like their efforts would be better invested in going back to their fluffy roots and making good old Ted work for most people rather than being a novelty item.

Recommend to:

Adult toddlers.

People who like to cuddle after sex.

People who just want to own the Teddy Love.

Do Not Recommend to:

People who like strong/rumbly vibrations.

People who want a hygienic sex toy.

People who like easy access to the batteries.

The Teddy Love was kindly provided to me by Teddy Love in exchange for an honest review.