…And when she asked this question I was left speechless and stunned.
Upon regaining my composure, I probed further and learnt a few things about my aunt’s background. She had never seen pleasure as a joint responsibility. She had never been taught about the benefits of sex. She had never been taught how to love her body, and help others love it in kind. And this broke my heart.
My stunned silence at my aunt has perhaps echoed slightly when it comes to this final Eroticon 2017 article too. Through the incredible generosity of Knicker Rocker Glory I was able to attend this event, but I must also thank the conference hosts for actually letting me speak—to be part of a panel with Formidable Femme and to talk about a topic near and dear to me.
That topic was How To Use Your Blog To Educate.
Yet, when I went to write this I was left without words. Blowing my own trumpet has never been my strong suit (I prefer to blow Mr Peaches instead) and, besides, there are naturally going to be critics of this notion.
What could a sex toy blog possible have to do with education?’ some people might ask, scoffing at what I do and its potential to convey any form of information or insight to others.
Not my readers, of course. I know y’all get what I’m doing here, and it fills me with joy to be able to reach out to so many open and like-minded individuals on a daily basis.
But what about people who just hear about what I do? What about those who just think of it as a way to get free toys? Or as a sordid little hobby? What about the people who just don’t get it?
What could I possibly say to someone like that?
I know what I’d say:
My aunt asked why a woman would ever open up to their partner about how to pleasure themselves, and that’s a problem.
My aunt didn’t have access to educational resources, and that is also a problem.
And when my aunt got to talk to me about what I do and why I do it, the problem got a little bit better.
It wasn’t solved. Not in a day. But suddenly my aunt was presented with an alternate view—that women are allowed to feel pleasure (are entitled to it) and that it’s not only possible to convey means of pleasure to your partner but it’s advised. It can be done. That was not an option for her before. It is now.
My education is not in a medical basis. I am not a qualified sex educator. And although my title as ‘Dr Peaches’ is very close, that does not specifically relate to my position in the adult industry.
But I am something.
I’m a sex toy user.
I’m a writer. A communicator. A consumer. A business woman. And a public speaker.
I’m also an avid masturbator. A frantic fucker. A sweet little puppy dog and that woman in the sex toy shop who is fiddling with all the buttons on the latest toy trend hoping that it will eventually turn on (and then off. Oh god, please turn off). In short, I’m you.
I’m a vaginismus survivor, and I carry that with me in my approach to reviewing too.
I’m all of these things and more and these things give me a position, not of authority, but of empathy where I can take up people’s hands, introduce them to an array of different sexual products and topics and then guide them through it in the best way I know. And you can bet that I use every chance to educate that I’m possibly given.
Am I an expert? Fuck no. But I know that our current sex education system (while improving) is not ideal. I know that there are people out there who feel like they’ve been suffering alone (as my previous article reminded me), and I know that there are views that are horribly underrepresented that I can help bring to light. I am just one person, with one viewpoint, but I have something to say and I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t put my writing out there for the world to experience.
But why am I rambling about this instead of, for example, giving tips about how to educate on your own blog, or how to be more inclusive. Or, heck, even how to overcome vaginismus?!
Because on that day when my aunt told me of her sexual privacy I didn’t need to be a blogger, nor a writer, nor even a ‘sexpert’. All I needed to do was share my personal views and experience, and that was enough to present a different option and to open a dialogue. That gave the change for growth (on both my part and hers) and taught us both something new.
And you are entirely capable of doing the same.
If there’s one thing that I hope my blog does (aside from educate and give honest product appraisals, of course) it’s encouraging people to embrace their sexuality and sexual desire with a sense of love and acceptance that allows them to look at the shame that society has placed on when and challenge it fiercely and passionately.
If, through my reviews, you feel confident enough to talk about sex then I can tell you now—you are doing just as much good (if not more) to the sex positive movement, because you are taking what I write here and bringing it in to your life and the lives of others. You’re making a difference. And even if that difference starts with the simple act of talking to your partner about sex, then I know what I do is worth it.
This article was inspired by my own panel at Eroticon, which I was able to attend thanks to Knicker Rocker Glory. Please show your appreciation by going to the sites featured in the article above (and showing loads of love to Knicker Rocker Glory).