I have smiled many times as a sex toy reviewer. Often through pleasure, joy, or appreciation.
But very rarely do I smile from the sheer sweetness, the utter affection that I’ve felt for a product. However, with this one I couldn’t help it.
Granted, this wasn’t because of the toy specifically, but more the brilliant story that was included with it. This little tale was provided as an accompaniment to the toy—a sort of explanation for its appearance—and it left Mr Peaches and I aww-ing in unison.
It also gave me a new-found softness for the toy that I had, up until that point, been fucking myself rather hard with. Because, yup—you guess it—Hole Punch Toys have created yet another exceptional product in The Serpent and the Rat and I am not only warmed by its accompanying tale but also a true convert to its dual embrace.
The Serpent and the Rat
It’s somewhat ironic that The Serpent and the Rat has such a lovely tale to tell, because the two creatures involved have omitted their tails altogether in favor of being one single, 18 inch entity of sheer sexual pleasure.
Some might consider it weird to insert and snake and rat into their body, but I’m a big fan of different textures and sensations, and The Serpent and the Rat offers some very intriguing design choices.
The head of the rat (a Queen among her kind) start off wonderfully slender before bulging out in a rather natural and easily progressive manner which then jolts noticeably when passing the forehead and reaching the ears.
The rat’s nose manages to caress my internal walls whereas its arching muzzle acquaints itself with my G-Spot with great precision and effectiveness. Its ears keep my vaginal opening awake and eager, while gentle wiggling actions allow me to provoke sensations that can only be described as enchanting.
My orgasms with the rat always leave an impression. They captivate my vagina and leave me gasping with pleasure as my vaginal muscles spasm in rapture for a prolonged period of time. My body tenses and my sense ignite. The texture of the rat is always there, with every motion and every breath.
Each orgasm could very easily be a story in its own right, but at 1 7/8 inches at maximum width the rat head isn’t for those who find broader toys daunting. And, yes—I do mean ‘broader’, not ‘girthier’ as it’s the diameter of the rat that is most noticeable rather than feeling it as a circumference. That’s the snake’s job.
The snake head is even girthier than the rat head, with 2 inches of diameter, and you really do feel it. Although its narrow snake muzzle is a great way to ease in to the cone-like structure of this toy there’s no denying that it reaches a point of noticeable girth which is sometimes too much for me. But the rat head is a perfect warm-up for the snake and both feel fantastic.
The snake is more substantial in every way, though its texture is not as compelling as its squeaky counterpart. Its strength comes from the arch of its head, which keeps the G-Spot in very good company indeed.
Either way I know I am in for a brilliant time with this toy and I consider its two large-yet-diverse sides to be a worthy investment.
The length of this toy (and the addition of some leaves at the centre) and makes it a toy that some would attempt anal with (despite having a very noticeable flared base). It can be purchased in four different colours and all of them are suitably selected for the overall feel of the toy. I personally picked olive, because it gave the impression that these were jade-carved objects from the Chinese zodiac. But I’m a bit quirky like that.
The Serpent and the Rat is also made out of 100% silicone—making it phthalate-free, non-porous, and completely body-safe. This silicone is described as ‘soft silicone’ on the Hole Punch site but I prefer to think of it as ‘jiggly silicone’. It’s not the type of silicone that has a large amount of squish to it, or feels plush and squishy.
When you touch this silicone you’ll find that it is rather firm to allow its texture to really come in to play. But it also has a wonderful amount of jiggle to it that allows you to bend it in half, flail it around in your hand with a good amount of squish, and gyrate it rapidly until both ends twizzle with all of the enthusiasm of a Teenge Mutant Ninja Turtle’s nunchaku (not that I’ve tried that frequently, or anything).
I am part of the American Pie generation and I have always held an image in my head of Steve Stifler running about the home he just broke in to (not cool, by the way) shouting ‘Dildo! Dildo! Dildo!’ as he wiggles a questionably crafted sex toy in his hand. While my sex toy goals have since progressed beyond what American Pie has to offer, I still always hope that my dildos have the enthusiastic jiggle of Stifler’s find, and The Serpent and the Rat definitely meets this standard.
This also means that while I insert the rat I can bend forward the head of the snake and have it survey the area—like something from an incredibly surreal anime. It also makes for a fantastic handle if you have mobility issues and can be very good if you’re lacking a factory installed penis and like to simulate a handjob while using an insertable toy. All wonderfully diverse traits.
Oh, and two people could very well use this toy at once—if they could amicably agree on which wonderful end they each wish to receive (as both are worthy of coveting).
What downsides are there to The Serpent and the Rat?
When there are twice the heads you might expect double the flaws but, in honesty, sometimes double the features really does equal double the fun and reduce any downsides to a bare minimum.
The girth is literally the only flaw I could muster when it comes to this product, and even then this is personal preference. Texture gets a bit of a mention for this too—if you dislike it then you will most likely dislike this toy—and I completely understand if you don’t like the idea of inserting a rat or snake’s head in to your body too.
But, beyond these personal niggles, I really cannot fault this product and I find myself wanting to wiggle it enthusiastically in front of like minded sex nerds and extolling its many orgasmic benefits.
As an aside, though, customs—keep them in mind.
When I was a child the opening of the animated Watership Down movie drew me in with its story and had me revisiting it again and again.
Reading the story of The Serpent and the Rat I was reminded of this opening and its brilliantly compelling narrative. And, much as with Watership Down, I find myself returning to The Serpent and the Rat with a sense of curiosity and familiarity that is vibrant-yet-reassuring.
The only difference is that the rest of Watership Down scared the shit out of me, whereas The Serpent and the Rat brings me nothing but sheer delight and a desire to return to it once more.
I highly recommend this toy and feel like texture and girth lovers will reap many benefits from the double delight of The Serpent and the Rat.
People who like texture.
People who like girth/width.
People who like variety.
Do Not Recommend to:
People who dislike texture.
People who prefer smaller toys.
People who like squishy soft toys.
The Serpent and the Rat was provided to me by Hole Punch Toys in exchange for an honest review. Check out their site. Buy from them. There’s not a single product from Hole Punch Toys that I’ve tried and regretted in any way.