Hello my lovely readers!
I’m officially talking at Eroticon today. Wish me luck!
And while I’m away I thought I’d leave you in the trusted hands of Curious Clementine. You may know my beloved Clem from the many guest reviews she’s done for me but recently I’ve been wanting to give Clementine a different platform to express her thoughts and contemplate what sex and blogging means to her. So I asked her if she wanted to do an interview.
The resulting interview is one of my favorite reads so far.
Thank you so much for agreeing to this interview!
To start off I’d like to ask a little bit of a self-motivated question: I always get asked how my friends react when they find out about my blog, so I thought I’d ask you first-hand. What were your thoughts when you found out your friend was an adult product blogger?
That’s not actually all too difficult to answer, more difficult to put into words. I grew up in quite a conservative house. Both my parents are/were religious and neither really ever gave me the ‘talk’ or made much effort to discuss sex and relationships with me. It never seemed important to them. So whatever I have learned over the years I had to learn myself through atrociously taught sex-ed at school, talking to other people older than me, and online; a mix of ways I do not entirely recommend, online is not the healthiest way to find things out for example.
So when I found out you were an adult product blogger I was actually a mix of intrigued and excited because it gave me an outlet to discuss things where before I was more afraid to, for fear of making things uncomfortable. It opened up a world to me that I had previously been too shy about. I still don’t discuss these things with my mother because it’s quite an awkward topic. But it’s freeing to have people I know I can talk to about things without feeling like its taboo.
Having you as a guest blogger is such a privilege, I have to ask—what do you personally value about guest reviewing sex toys?
Personally, I love being able to share my experiences in a way that can help people. I won’t always react the same way other people do, and I won’t always respond in the same ways as others either. I don’t expect to. But if my experiences can be of some help to other people in making choices for themselves, I’m happy.
I know that you haven’t had a sexual partner yet. Do you feel like this gives you a unique perspective on sex toys?
I grew up with the perspective that women who use sex toys are just substituting because they’re somehow unable to find a man who can satisfy them. Even in some media this joke is quite profound; as though there’s something wrong with you if you’re using toys. And yes, I say man as opposed to ‘person’, my upbringing as I mentioned was quite conservative. While my mother has mellowed a little over the years to perspectives on LGBTQ rights, there are still some things best to avoid discussing.
Though I am still a virgin, I don’t really know if this gives me any kind of unique perspective. Not having a real dick or another pair of fingers in me I don’t have anything biological to compare it to. But I still use the same adult products available to anyone else, so all I can do is compare one toy to another. This may give me a unique perspective, but I’ve never really considered it that way before. But suffice to say, I do not follow the opinion that something is wrong with me or using toys makes me any less of a sexual woman. I just haven’t found the right person to be with yet.
What advice would you give to others in a similar situation to you?
Try things. Don’t feel put off, it’s a little terrifying at the beginning stepping through a doorway into a place that at one time was so ingrained into you that it was not the right place to be, that it was morally wrong and such. But if you can be brave enough, once you enable yourself to step through that threshold, an entire new world will open up to you full of intrigue and excitement. There’s always something new to find out or try out and although not every experience may be wondrous, you will never regret it.
Spotify is a regular appearance in your reviews. How does music integrate with your sexual practices? What role does it fulfill?
It’s a noise-blocker. I don’t live on my own, and my TV is usually too much of a distraction as I tend to watch it when it’s on. Plus I’ve never really found any porn I’m all that into, but even then I don’t want the sounds of someone else’s moans of excitement blaring out when I’m already trying to muffle my own.
Discretion is something you seem to value due to your living situation. Do you feel like sex toys offer enough diversity for those who require silent sex toys?
For the most part, yeah. I don’t have a massive collection but the ones I do have that vibrate; they’re not all the quietest. I’ve noticed some companies have managed to limit noise out-put which is great because you don’t always want people knowing you’re about to get down to it. The rest I have which don’t vibrate come in such a variety of shapes, sizes and textures that there’s more than enough to keep people happy. Well, to keep me happy at least.
The Fifty Shades Holy Cow! Wand seems to have given you a new perspective on your orgasms and the potency that you can achieve. How has this shaped your opinion of sex toys?
It’s made me more aware of the different types of orgasm you can achieve. I have a few g-spotting toys, some glass dildos, but very few clitoral vibes. Till I got the Holy Cow! I’d never really considered the value of them. If anything it’s now made me want to try even more. While I love the Holy Cow!, it’s not the only wand there is. It’s made me eager to find the next best, and I know I’m gonna enjoy that search.
We’ve had some very different experiences with sex toys and it’s a perfect example of ‘different folks, different strokes’. Some guest reviewers might feel apprehensive about posting a divisive review but you’ve stayed wonderfully true to your body.
Was there ever any apprehension about this in your mind? What is your though process when striking out against the norm?
I’ve never really thought about it. People have often quoted me as being very opinionated, both as a compliment and an insult. Though, while I do tend to be quite reserved about certain things, I always try to be as honest as I can. I don’t know if I could respect myself or my opinions if they weren’t truly honest. So if I don’t feel I could respect them myself, I wouldn’t expect others to respect them either. I’m in no position to give them if I’m not honest.
You strongly dislike Fifty Shades of Grey and how it portrays BDSM relationships. What alternative forms of erotic education would you recommend for someone like you, who just can’t get on the Fifty Shades bandwagon?
I don’t actually know.
Most of what I’ve learned about BDSM and eroticism has been learned from blogs, online articles, discussions with others who have some knowledge in the area and, oddly enough, my past studies in psychology.
I first took offence to Fifty Shades for example because of the dubious ways in which they interact. There doesn’t seem to be any respect or understanding of boundaries to make it a viable BDSM relationship, it feels more of an abusive one which makes me very uncomfortable. While I may be wrong, my own studying of BDSM has given me the impression that while the dominant is considered the one in charge, it’s actually the submissive who calls all the shots. The dom does nothing unless the sub is happy to continue, therefore making it a relationship built upon trust and respect of boundaries. This is not what I noticed portrayed in Fifty Shades of Grey.
In terms of recommending alternative forms of erotic education, I don’t know if I can. All I would be able to offer as advice is just to talk to people. The more people talk, the more we open ourselves up to the topic, and the more we can learn and understand about it.
As a reader of adult review sites (as well as a guest blogger) what do you value most about them?
Their honesty and their ability to inform and be educational.
If a site and/or blogger can be open, informative and honest about what it is they are discussing then people – or me at least – will find them a lot more engaging. If you can engage your readers then you are in a wonderful position to not only educate your readers, but also help them form their own opinions.
When I write my guest reviews, I always try to be as honest as I can, because if I’m not then I can’t feel like I can help others make their own choices. I’m no expert and I won’t claim to be, and my opinions are my own. But I hope that I can give back a little of what I’ve been given myself through my honesty and openness.
And, finally, what’s your favourite sex toy?
Now that is a difficult question. I don’t actually think I have any one particular favorite. Depending on what I want will dictate what I reach for, so I probably have at least three so far.
The Holy Cow! is great as an aid to masturbation, but if I want to feel something internal then I usually choose between the Coq a Teal, or the Icicles No.60, two of my glass dildos; one which mimics an erect penis and the other which is textured all over to give different sensations as I use it. Often times I even find myself double-teaming with the Holy Cow! and the Coq a Teal if I want to feel both internal and clitoral stimulation at the same time.
Sometimes I do go digging through my toy drawer for other things to try out as a change, and sometimes I even raid the lesser loved toys I keep in the top of my wardrobe. But generally I always find myself coming back to these three toys; they’re definitely my most used, generally most loved, and they never usually stray too far from the top of my drawer.
Thank you Clementine! I’m sure I share in my reader’s sentiments when saying that I can’t wait for your next guest review.