Toy Review: The Wanachi Wand Mega Massager

With a deep breath I brace my entire body and press the ‘on’ button.

My thighs automatically clench together and my entire lower region quivers. My breath deepens, not necessarily through choice…more necessity. An instinctual swelling of the body’s rhythm as an intensity shoots through my muscles.

My back arches forward and I find myself grabbing at the sheets—clinging on to some other form of tactile sensation outside of the overwhelming rush that has just manifested between my legs.

My vulva doesn’t know what’s happening. My clitoris is blazing with delight. My brain…well, it’s elsewhere.

Eventually I pant myself in to an exhausted stupor and turn the Wanachi Wand Mega Massager off.

That was just the first setting.

The Wanachi Wand Mega Massager

It’s fair to say that there aren’t many toys out there that can match the Wanachi Wand Mega Massager (in more ways than one).

Yes—there are plenty of wands out there—but wands have always given the impression of being hand-held. They’re powerful but part of a wand’s natural charm is that you get to swish it around and bibbidy-bobbody-bang your way to a fabulous orgasm. In comparison the Wanachi Wand is more like the magical grenade launcher of the sex toy world. I feel like I should be surrounded by a tribe of curious admirers as I loudly proclaim “This is my BOOMSTICK!” (Not really though—I’m too shy for that).

My Iconic Wand and Lelo Smart Wand Large are dwarfed by this giant among wands.

Just how big is the Wanachi Wand Mega Massager? 17 inches in length and 4.5 inches in diameter at its biggest, big. It’s the type of wand that dwarfs a comparative can of Coke and laughs at those little pocket wands that you see buzzing around at the £10 price-range. It would look right at home with some of the larger Bad Dragon toys and may make some people wonder if they’ve accidentally found themselves in a spin-off of Honey I Shrunk The Kids.

Put simply, it’s large.

This size comes with its advantages too. I don’t ‘place’ the Wanachi Wand Mega Massager on my vulva. There’s no delicate application here. Instead I wrap my legs around this device, arch it to my preferred angle for the day and then hope for the best. I almost want to salute my vulva every time I buckle in to test the Wanachi Wand Mega Massager because I know that it’s going to come out the other side of the experience dazed, buzzing, and completely baffled (albeit utterly and totally satisfied).

You’d think that with such a large head the Wanachi Wand Mega Massager wouldn’t be able to provide much variation, but you’d be wrong. Depending on how you position yourself, what surface you’re on, and how much you clench in kind around the Wanachi Wand Mega Massager depends on what sensations you’ll get and just where you’ll feel them.

This wand provides more variety then you might guess.

When sitting up on the bed this vibration feels almost akin to a Sybian (especially on its mid-setting). There’s a wonderful impression of riding a wild stallion or something similarly untameable and exhilarating. I’ve always been the kind to lie down though.

My two favorite positions may seem bland but they get the job done with extreme efficiency. Either I lie down on my side and shove the Wanachi Wand Mega Massager in between my thighs (clenching tightly as if I’m trying to give it motivational snuggles) or I place it slightly in front of my thighs and nearer my mons pubis.

In the former position my thighs quiver with such intensity that I’m sure they look like jelly (they damned well feel like it during, at least). The sensation spreads to my booty and down in to my legs. It’s like a persistent rumble that is trying to delve deep in to my body and find all the little kinks and hidden zones of pleasure (unbeknownst even to me, they are so seldom explored).

I like this method a lot but it does lack a certain degree of focus on the vulva and clitoris. Instead it’s very much a ‘legs day’ experience and the vulva is mostly along for the ride. And, yes, my legs did ache after a long session with the Wanachi Wand Mega Massager, but it was the best kind of ache (and who said massagers alleviated this shizz!?)

The latter position…well…I sigh blissfully just thinking about it. And that’s the only word I can use for it—Bliss. I wish I could be more precise with my description but once this position is engaged then Emmeline has officially left the building. She is away with the orgasm fairies, reveling in the extreme focus on her clitoris and labia, complemented by some residual quiver in the thighs (not enough to be distracting, but enough to provoke extra clenching).

I swear I lost myself in one of my sessions. It was surreal. I want more.

This head is actually larger than my vulva.

Needless to say this vibrator is brilliant for partnered use and forced orgasms too. Having someone else handle the wand’s haughty frame provides even more room for maneuvering and thrusting and, trust me, if you’re being ‘forced’ to endure what this vibrator has to offer then it will have an impact on you, most likely a profound one.

A two-button system keeps things wonderfully simple with the Wanachi Wand Mega Massager and three different continual vibrations of varying intensity are included, alongside seven patterns. Honestly I couldn’t tell you much about the patterns, but I know the intensities well.

The lowest one is a deep and persistent rumble—impressive from the offset and brilliant for that thigh-clench I mentioned (or for sitting up and thrusting on top of). The second setting feels similar but more intense. It’s a definite ramp up in power and I’ve yet to transition without some form of gasp escaping my mouth like a Hollywood cliché.

The third setting…it’s buzzy but powerful. It avoids behind high-pitched and instead simply smooths out the vibrations while maintaining its depth. I can’t provide many more insights on this setting because on the rare occasions that I’ve pressed up to it I’m pretty sure I lost my higher brain function. I became assimilated by the vibrations and the sharp, uncontrollable rush that spread out from my clit to the rest of my body. If vibrator modes were compared to movies then this mode would be Alice in Wonderland (classic Disney, not the Tim Burton version).

‘But, Emmeline; you’ve barely told me anything about the specifics of this vibrator!’

Yeah, yeah. Just give me one more moment…

Okay…I’m good.

As you’ve probably guessed, a powerhouse like this is mains powered and takes a US plug. I use an adapter to plug mine in to the Brit system and it seems to handle it well. This does sadly mean that the Wanachi Wand Mega Massager is not waterproof, but it is easy enough to wipe clean (well…easy but time-consuming, due to its size).

When it comes to materials the Wanachi Wand Mega Massager’s main body is made from ABS plastic whereas its head is silicone. This makes the Wanachi Wand Mega Massager non-porous, phthalate-free and completely body safe. The silicone is matte and pretty standard—smooth but not overly luxurious. I’d consider it practical more than anything else.

Needless to say this vibrator also has some pretty glaring downsides. The first being that it’s bloody huge!

Also Pipedream *cringes*

If you need a lightweight, discreet, or easily maneuverable toy then this is never going to meet your criteria. Just no.

The larger head also makes dual penetration pretty much a no-go without some very clever positioning or plug-type insertables (vaginal and/or anal). This is something to keep in mind if you typically need or crave internal stimulation. The Wanachi Wand Mega Massager is, quite literally, a cock-blocker at times.

And—you guessed it—this toy is not quiet at all. In fact, it proudly whirs along like a power tool, letting everyone in the house know that you’re on a mission and that mission is sex toy nirvana. Judging by noise along most people would probably assume that you have achieved It to (and, based on my experiences, they might not be wrong).

Final Thoughts

What can I say? There are very few wands that leave me incapable of conveying the complete spectrum of emotions that I experience with it. Few sex toys for that matter.

The Wanachi Wand Mega Massager is never going to be a daily or causal vibrator for me. It’s never going to be a bedroom drawer classic—mainly because it can’t fit in it!

This toy’s larger-than-life performance is its strongest asset and its biggest hindrance, giving it a very niche audience and reserving it for those very special occasions (the kind where you don’t mind your thighs aching in gratitude for a few hours afterwards).

But, what can I say? You will never take this vibrator from me. It has shown me things that I didn’t think capable from a wand, and it is my hope that every power queen out there will at least give it a try, though I understand if its price tag and hefty size does cause some people to hesitate.

Recommend to:

People who like POWER.

People who like full-body quivers.

People who like larger toys (that they can ride, for example).

Do Not Recommend to:

People who like gentle vibrators.

People who like smaller vibrators.

People who like precise vibrations.

The Wanachi Wand Mega Massager was provided to me by Planet Earth Wholesale in exchange for an honest review. If you’re an adult retailer then buy it. Promote it. And definitely try it for yourself. Its sensations are too mighty to simply read about, they must be felt. Trust me.