Product Review: The System Jo Gelato Range

It’s times like these when I love what I do. Any excuse to give frequent blowjobs is always a huge plus in my books and, oh boy, does this lubricant make the experience all the sweeter.

The System Jo Gelato Range is made to mimic the delectable flavors of the many finely formulated artesian ice cream ranges that have become readily available in recent years.

I don’t eat ice cream, naturally, but I do have a soft spot for Tiramisu, Salted Caramel, Mint Chocolate, Crème Brulee, and Hazelnut Espresso, all of which are featured in the System Jo Gelato Range.

In this way the System Jo Gelato Range can be seen as mimicking ice cream but also desserts and sweet treats more broadly. Lacking a consistent creamy flavor I’d actually say that each was much more akin to its origin dessert rather than an ice cream version of it instead, but who am I to argue, especially when these products taste so damned amazing!

The System Jo Gelato Range

When I first encountered the System Jo Gelato Range I was at one of the fabulous London branches of Harmony UK. There were samplers available for each and I honestly can’t tell you how long I spent alternating from one to another. Licking and sucking my fingers with an enthusiasm that was probably close to NSFW, it’s fair to say I was a fan of this lubricant long before System Jo kindly provided it for review.

All of them are great, but which one caught my attention most and why?

 In fact, in addition to the samplers that System Jo kindly provided I’ve also purchased a few of my own while out and about on business trips. That’s how much I love this product (and Mr Peaches’ cock, to give credit where it’s due).

The System Jo Gelato Range comes in three different formats—sampler sachets, small 30ml vials (perfect for travelling, as I can attest to), and larger 120ml bottle for when you really mean business.

In the long term, I advocate for the 120ml bottles but there is an undeniable benefit to the small travel bottles. 30ml doesn’t seem like much but it lasts for a fair few applications thanks to the consistency and longevity of this lubricant.

No—this isn’t a great lube for a straight-up hand job—it’s a tiny bit sticky after prolonged use and does dries up too fast to keep on going without reapplication which, I my humble opinion, is a complete and utter waste of such a succulent lubricant.

When I apply this semi-runny lubricant I make sure to do so with precision. If some dribbles on to Mr Peaches’ stomach then I eagerly and swiftly lap it up. I don’t count myself as a glutton, or a sugar-fiend, but hot damn does this lubricant draw me in like a sailor to a siren’s song. I am not disappointed by a single flavor in this range. Each one is different and yet they’re all delicious.

But enough about the flavour for a moment, let’s talk about the rest of the specs.

Ingredients-wise the System Jo Gelato Range sports the following combination:

Water (Aqua), Glycerin, Potassium Sorbate, Hydroxyethylcellulose, Flavor (Aroma), Sucralose, Sodium Chloride, Citric Acid

According to System Jo ‘Each flavor profile is created around a base that is sugar, paraben and propylene glycol free’, although the plant-based Glycerin and Sucralose may still cause issues for some.

Personally I’ve never had any issue with this lubricant, despite having sensitive skin but, as I said, I don’t advocate using the lubricant as a conventional lube anyway, not when it has other, more suitable applications (which give you much better value for money). Whether you choose to use this lubricant for penetration and general application is, of course, up to you (and it does perform well enough in this capacity) but if you know you’re prone to UTIs then you may be better safe than sorry.

If you’re prone to UTIs it might be worth giving these a miss just in case.

The lubricant itself has a detectable odor that mimics the flavor with which it’s been infused in every instance. Although this scent is not overpowering and does diffuse readily after use, it is still very sickly so if you don’t have a sweet tooth then you may find this lubricant’s aroma to be too much.

Then again if you dislike sugary sweet treats then I have to question why you’re considering this lubricant all all—that’s literally what the range is all about! This range will satisfy most people’s sugar craving in an instant and does so with little in the way of aftertaste or unpleasant tang. It’s all goodness all the time and makes oral sex feel like a very guilty indulgence indeed.

Lapping it up is very easy, due to the smooth-yet-pervasive qualities of this lubricant and the flavor lasts for a very long time with ample amounts of lube left to work the shaft (or vulva) too. When it comes to strap on cocks this lubricant is a bit less reliable but it still gives a nice amount of flavor—it just gets lapped off a whole lot sooner.

Let’s look at each lube individually!

So, what about the individual flavors? Allow me to briefly explore each one:

Salted Caramel: My absolute favorite and probably also the sweetest of the bunch, Salted Caramel comes with a rich counterbalancing flavor brought about by the smokiness of the caramel and the subtle hint of salt. Its similarity to salted caramel is pretty on point and it’s melt-in-the-mouth irresistible.

Tiramisu: My second favorite and, yes, another one that is very similar to its namesake. On this occasion, though, the flavor is slightly off—a bit sweeter and a bit less potent than actual tiramisu. This is probably because the alcohol typically used in tiramisu is harder to replicate in lubricant form. Even if you could I wonder what the side effects would be. I adore the sharp tang of the alcohol in tiramisu but I wouldn’t want it anywhere near my crotch.

Crème Brulee: While I can attest to the accuracy of all the other flavors, crème brulee is something that I’ve honestly never tasted. What I can tell you is that, although the Salted Caramel lubricant is the sweetest in the range, the Crème Brulee is by far the sickliest. Despite this it actually worked really well for me and I adored its sincerely creamy undertones mixed with the sugary fix that would instantly light up my taste buds. This probably wouldn’t be my go-to flavor (I can only take so much cream in one sitting before I want some saltier white stuff instead) but it’s still very nice and great for those who want more of that ‘gelato’ accuracy.

Hazelnut Espresso: I’m allergic to hazelnuts and coffee interferes with my medication. But this lubricant uses artificial flavoring and so it allows me to indulge in both flavors (which is do like) without having to worry about my body going crazy on me. The richness of the caffeine flavoring in this lubricant is subtle and smooth and plays a complimentary role to its inherent sweetness. The hazelnut flavor, while present, is more of a nutty accentuation rather than a full-blown assault on the taste buds. It’s good. It’s very good.

Mint Chocolate: Probably my least favorite of the bunch, but still damned good. This flavor is certainly mint chocolate but the sweetness in this one doesn’t quite work for me and the combination of mint and chocolate doesn’t quite merge as well as it could. I’d still recommend it, but it’s nowhere near as refreshing or minty as I would like and the chocolate flavor is just a tad too artificial. My advice—give this one a taste prior to purchase if you’re hoping for a more conventionally minty flavor. But if you like sugar mint sweets then this might still appeal, it’s probably the most similar flavor that I can think of.

So, all of these lubes range anywhere from ‘pretty damned good’ to ‘holy cow let me lap up every single drop of this product’ but what are the downsides?

Well, the ingredients for one. Like I said, not everyone will like them and that’s reasonable.

Despite never wanting to let this lubricant go to waste it is still a shame that it does become sticky and unsuitable for a hand-job over time—especially seeing as one of its selling points is that it doesn’t become sticky or tacky at all.

Yes, it’s easy to clean, easy to wipe up, and doesn’t require a full shower to go on with your day (though it does help) but the stickiness during use is still a bit of a bugbear.

And, obviously, if you don’t have a sweet tooth or prefer fruity flavors then this isn’t the range for you. Thankfully System Jo do many other flavors and lubricants—including fruity lubes, minty lubes, festive lubes, and even an organic range.

Final Thoughts

Yummy yum yum. End of review.

Of course I wouldn’t do that to you! But when reviewing a flavored lubricant then the flavor is a huge factor the System Jo Gelato Range is a resounding and incredibly sweet success.

Such a saccharine offering won’t be to everyone’s tastes (pun absolutely intended) but for those who crave a bit of syrupy goodness in their lives (at zero calories, in case that bothers you) then this lubricant should have you licking your lips in sheer delight.

Just don’t mix this in with actual ice cream. I can’t guarantee the results.

Recommend to:

People who like sweet flavors.

People looking for a strictly oral lube.

People who want options in terms of bottle sizes.

Do Not Recommend to:

People who don’t have a sweet tooth.

People who want a versatile lube.

People who don’t like the ingredients.

The System Jo Gelato Range was provided to me by System Jo in exchange for an honest review.