We’re officially on the last day of 2016 and verging on the edge of a brand new year.
Where did the year go? What even happened!?!
I feel like 2016 has sped by in a blur of chaos, productivity, and way to much political turmoil.
Still, at least the sex toys were good this year.
So good, in fact, that I ended up reviewing just over 203 sex toys so that you could stay ahead of the sex toy curve and use your hard earned cash to make the best and most fulfilling sexual investments possible. Sometimes I think my vagina deserves a holiday, but then I realize that would just involve even more sex toys because, if I’m being totally honest, I absolutely love what I do. It’s not always easy but it is incredibly rewarding and I think I’m starting to increasingly consider it to be my vocation in life.
But enough of that mushy stuff. Let’s get to the deetz.
The Criteria For 2016
Every year I seem to create a new format for my top products list and 2016 is no different.
Last year I picked three different sex toys for each category and a fair few honorable mentions out of the 130+ toys I selected. This year I’m going to be even more discerning. Only one toy will prevail in each section and a single honorable mention.
Oh yeah, it’s time to get ruthless.
As I looked through the year’s reviews certain categories also started to call out to me (some expected, some not) so please know that this list represents my personal experiences over the year and how I have chosen to rank the key products that I received throughout it. This isn’t me trying to present any gender or sexuality bias, it’s simply how things have turned out.
My lived experience will be different from others who have made top 2016 lists and I want to be true to that this year to give you what is, in essence, my most honest opinion rather than feeling the need to pander to obligatory categories just because.
I’m also going to try and keep this list short and sweet. For 2015 I went a bit mad with my wordcount and although I maintain that it was completely justified I do want to give you something a bit quicker to digest this year. After all, it’s been a hard one and I think we all deserve some R&R.
So, without further ado, let’s get started!
The Best Dildo of 2016
This prestigious spot goes to the Crowned Jewels Marylebone Titanium Dildo.
From its incredibly accessible dimensions to its exceptional material quality, the Crowned Jewels Marylebone Titanium Dildo is one of the most significant and exceptional dildos I own.
I love how the titanium looks, I can’t get enough of how it feels, and I know that this dildo will last me for a lifetime.
Yes, this dildo is incredibly expensive, but it’s the literal definition of the gift that keeps on giving. It’s also no more expensive than a decadent piece of jewelry but will endure for so much longer and provide so much more.
I would say there are no more words for just how much I love this dildo but that’s a blatant lie. There’s a full review right here. Feel free to read it if you wish to know more about this fantastic creation.
Honorable Mention: The Utimi 7 Inches Realistic Silicone Dildo with Suction Base.
The Best G-Spotting Toy of 2016
Truth be told this category exists for one reason and one reason only: The Nure Margula Marble Dildo.
For me this dildo has been that stand-out toy of the entire year. Again, I hesitate to champion this toy due to its high price tag, but this really is an investment in the most precise and persistent G-Spotting stimulation I have ever experience. And, yes, that does include the G-Spotting giants that almost all sex toy reviewers champion.
This is a toy that deserves attention from a company that warrants recognition. If you chose to invest in it then it will pay you back in kind and then some. I’m still left in awe of its majesty.
Read my full review here.
Honorable Mention: The Godemiche Ambit.
The Best Vibrator of 2016
Without a shadow of a doubt this has to go to the Sh! Swell Vibrator.
This vibrator is waterproof, rechargeable, delivers wonderfully rumbly vibrations, and (best of all) is only 45 friggin pounds!
A single dinner date costs more.
The Sh! Swell Vibrator is also versatile enough to be used as either a clitoral vibrator, a G-Spot vibe, or a general all-purpose body massager. Its controls are wonderfully straightforward and it pretty much provides everything I want in a non-wand vibrator. Unconvinced? Read my review here.
Honorable Mention: The Callie Vibrating Wand by Jopen.
The Best Clitoral Vibrator of 2016
The bullet vibe is a sex toy must-have for so many individuals and is typically the first toy that most people will invest in.
How wonderful it is, then, that 2016 has brought us the Rocks Off Ignition: The pinnacle of affordable, effective bullet vibrators.
This will be my go-to recommendation from now on for anyone looking for an introductory pin-point bullet vibrator and is definitely deserving of a place on this list. Read my review for a more in-depth exploration in to the multiple benefit of this bullet.
Honorable Mention: The Lelo Mia 2.
The Best Wand Vibrator of 2016
Just when I think wands can’t get any better the JimmyJane Iconic Wand comes along and proves me wrong, while also leaving me baffled that a company with such a hit-and-miss track record can make something so great.
This wand is compact, powerful, rechargeable and rumbly. It’s one of about three wands that I now consistently keep to hand and I pout whenever it’s not in an easy-to-grab position.
Honorable Mention: The Bodywand 2.0 Original Japanese Massager (Multi-Mode).
The Best Anal Toy of 2016
I’m just as surprised as you about this one but Mr Peaches has spoken and his verdict is the Pipedream Anal Fantasy Collection Vibrating Perfect Plug.
There’s no denying just how enthusiastic Mr Peaches was about this plug, and it continues to be something that he frequently uses. Trust me, this doesn’t happen often. Mr Peaches is fundamentally a creature of habit and when he has clear favourites he sticks to them. That the Pipedream Anal Fantasy Collection Vibrating Perfect Plug has made it in to his go-to collection is an accomplishment worth acknowledging.
Honorable Mention: The Meo Dog Tail Puppy Butt Plug (Rocky).
The Most Innovative Toy of 2016
Has it really only been a year since the Satisfyer Pro 2 took the sex toy world by storm? It really doesn’t feel like it!
Regardless there is no denying just how amazingly innovative and successful this sex toy has been. It’s also the reader’s choice–as my review of this product continually tops my ‘Most Visited’ charts.
Satisfyer also revamped the Pro 2 to improve its use and the newer version is even more exceptional. If suction is your game then you need to try this product.
Honorable Mention: The Semenette POP.
The Best Couples Product of 2016
A surprise entry for Mr Peaches and I, the Hot Octopuss Pulse III Duo completely won us over.
I still have new ideas for how I want to use this toy down the line, and its motors and remote controls are more than capable of keeping us both satisfied.
It’s also so nice to see a couples’ vibrator that doesn’t revolve around penetrative sex. This is such a rarity and is something I’d love to see more of as time goes on. Read my full review here.
Honorable Mention: The We Vibe Sync.
The Most Life Changing Toy of 2016
The B.J. Dildo has fundamentally changed the way I enjoy oral sex. There is really no other way to put it.
Not only does this toy work incredibly well as a standard dildo but it also provides a highly intuitive oral sex experience that redefines gender boundaries and provides a clearer means for people to explore their gender orientation.
Honorable Mention: The Wruff Stuff Doge Pup Hood.
The Best Sexual Aid of 2016
Squirting became much more of a possibility thanks to a product from my 2015 sex toy bucket list. That product was the Sheets of San Francisco Printed Sheet Throw, which exceeded all expectations and even beat our the iconic Liberator Fascinator Throe as my favourite and most-used fluid-resistant sheet.
The surface, weight, and aesthetic of this sheet are everything I could ever want and it has so many uses both in and out of the bed room that I really can’t champion this sheet enough. If you have messy sex you need this sheet. If you want to try squirting you need this sheet. Get this sheet. It won’t disappoint.
Honorable Mention: The Liberator Ramp.
The Best Lubricant of 2016
This year I became vegan. I also sucked Mr Peaches’ cock a lot. Both of these things are something I’m extremely pleased about and were only made better by the Intimate Earth Melt Warming Lubricant.
A completely vegan, incredibly sensitive, and wonderfully affordable oral product, this lubricant tastes amazing, feels great, and lasts an incredibly long time.
I need to buy this product in bulk. Read my full fangasm here.
Honorable Mention: The Sliquid Organics Sensations Stimulating Lubricant.
The Best Condom of 2016
I often buy my condoms in bulk at a reduced price or receive them for review but when it comes to the Skyn Elite Condoms I gladly and regularly pay full price to have them as part of my sex life.
I think this is the marker of a great condom when regarding sex toy reviewers, and there’s only one other type of condom that I also buy at full price regularly nowadays. Those condoms are…
Honorable Mention: The Wingman Condoms.
The Best Sex Writing of 2016
This one was an incredibly close one to call, believe me, but ultimately this category goes to Coming Out Like a Porn Star (Essays on Pornography, Protection, and Privacy).
I own two physical copies of this book (one signed, one well-worn from how often I pick it up) as well as a pdf. I’ve read it all the way through twice. I’ve purchased it for others and I’ve recommended it to everyone I know. When I went to an exhibit in the Tate Modern I took it with me and I proudly handed it to others with my firm recommendation. I quoted it out loud to those who were hosting the Porn as Pedagogy workshop that I attended.
While reading it I laughed, cried, and felt my heart go through so many emotional states that it’s hard to encapsulate it in a single review. I tried my best but I will never do this amazing anthology justice. Please read it. These people deserve to be heard.
Honorable Mention: Porn Panic!: Sex and Censorship in the UK.
The Best Artisan of 2016
It’s not often that a new sex toy creator comes along with such a humble approach to their craft and such a brilliantly creative approach that they completely and utterly endear themselves to me, but that’s exactly what happened with Ceramic Pleasure.
The artisan behind Ceramic Pleasure makes what he does for the sheer love of it. They constantly endeavor to improve and graciously accept every word of feedback.
They continue to improve daily and will create 100% custom sex toys at incredibly accessible prices. I can’t wait to show you the custom piece they made me this year and, in the meantime, why not check out my Ceramic Samplings series; a series created solely out of my love for what Ceramic Pleasure have to offer.
Watch this company in the new year, I have a feeling that they’re going to change the way we think about ceramic sex toys.
Honorable Mention: Godemiche.
The Best Retailer of 2016
Shop Naughty is one of the most gracious, caring, and sincerely loving companies I have ever had the pleasure of working with.
In my time doing reviews for this company I have made sincere friends. I’ve smiled so much, felt truly catered for, and become truly emotionally invested in the lives of those involved in the company.
Shop Naughty may not be as well-recognized as some retailers but I promise you that they will not let you down. Their selection is thorough and their prices are reasonable.
I feel so happy to have connected with the people in this company. The only company that even comes close (and, in fact, equals them) is…
Honorable Mention: Knicker Rocker Glory.
My Eroticon sponsor and more a draw than an honorable mention.
Ruby is a sheer delight to work with and, having met with her in person (and given her dog too few hugs and cuddles) I can honestly say that this is a person who lives and breathes sexual health and well-being. These are the companies we need to support. These are who we should be making our purchases with and these are the people who ultimately have our backs when it comes to having the healthiest and most fulfilling sex lives possible.
There is one other retailer who I also want to bring attention to, buuuut that’s a New Year surprise for you.
And that’s all for this year!
No doubt more products will spring to mind after this post and I’ll be kicking myself for not including them. But, for now, these are the products that stand out the most in my mind and therefore prevail as the most deserving to be on my list. Because, hey, if you can stand out in a crowd of over 203 other products then you must be doing something right.
This will be my last post of 2016 but don’t expect me to be a stranger. I’ll be back literally tomorrow to talk about what I have planned for 2017 and to announce the winner of my latest giveaway.
Expect exciting developments in the New Year and enjoy yourself over the next few days. You deserve it!
Until the next review!