Toy Review: The B.J. Dildo

Let’s face it. 2016 sucks.

So much has happened this year which has just sucked the life out of seemingly everyone and sucked the joy out of people I personally know and admire. The huge array of celebrity deaths suck. The state of modern media has sucked. And politics…oh boy. Let’s just not.

However, among all of these sucky things there is one thing in 2016 which I can gladly say well and truly sucks and that’s the B.J. Dildo.

When the B.J. Dildo was kindly sent to me by Form Function it came with the lovely message:

So glad we could send something good from the US right now.

I cherish these words, but it’s fair to say that Form Function missed the mark in the use of the word ‘good’.

This dildo is not ‘good’. It’s revolutionary. Exceptional.  Transcendental.

The B.J. Dildo has taken sucking to a new level, and it’s one that is hopeful, life changing, and well and truly needed this year.

About Form Function

The B.J. Dildo is the brilliant brainchild of Form Function.

Blowjob toys certainly aren’t unfamiliar territory in the adult product industry but Form Function’s endeavours seem like the first to actually warrant serious and excited consideration. This is, in no small part, due to Form Function themselves.

Form Function is a small, independent, queer-owned company working with the goal of providing practical and affordable products to anyone interested in gender expression.

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Each product created by Form Function is made from scratch—sculpted from clay before being cast in to a mold for small production runs of 6-10 toys at a time. This allows Form Function to diligently examine each product before packaging and shipping it—something they feel very passionately about.

Time working with Form Function has just reinforced my belief that such independently-run companies are so integral to the future of sex toys. Form Function are wonderfully inclusive, highly innovative, and shipped my product in a very swift and discreet manner. I felt at ease talking with them and truly felt their passion for pleasure. I cannot recommend them enough!

The B.J. Dildo

All that being said, no shining endorsement will ever truly capture the magnitude of how this dildo makes me feel.

The B.J. Dildo’s task seems like a simple one at first—replicating a blowjob—but, really, there’s an incredible amount that goes in to this process. From my personal perspective a blowjob isn’t just about replicating a certain sensation but also about creating an ease in the body, a certain mind-set of immersion, and a real connection to the visual act and psychological emotions of receiving head.

While suction based toys have taken amazing leaps and bounds in recent years they are not a blowjob substitute, but their own beast altogether.

This toy is a mighty embodiment of trans and queer significance.
This toy is a mighty embodiment of trans and queer significance.

Comparatively the B.J. Dildo aims to act as an all-encompassing silicone appendage—providing every element that I personally value with extreme practicality.

The actual design of the B.J. Dildo is so beautifully executed that it feels deserving of an award. A wonderfully soft and malleable base leads in to a 7.5 inch long hollow shaft which then shapes off in to a wonderful head with a hole slit in to the top of it. This succinct design is made from 100% platinum silicone, making it non-porous, phthalate-free, and completely body-safe.

This silicone is a bit more matte than some and it really works for the design of this toy. After all, this toy is meant to mimic a BJ and penes aren’t generally known for being perfectly glossy and without flaws. The additional almost-graininess of the B.J. Dildo allows it to feel wonderfully tactile in the mouth and really highlights its beautiful features—such as its lovely coronal ridge, wonderfully prominent veins and (perfectly) imperfect shape.

In vaginal use this silicone clings wonderfully to the vaginal walls and practically grabs at the G-Spot with its wonderful matte surface. This really serves to emphasise the texture, curve, and ridge of the B.J. Dildo and has often been enough to bring me immense satisfaction.

Peek-a-boo. Time to suck you.
Peek-a-boo. Time to suck you.

Due to the multiplicity of the B.J. Dildo as both dildo and BJ apparatus, I’ve now had the amazing sensation of having my partner suck my dick before then taking that first shaft and using it to fuck myself. Let the awesomeness of that sink in for a while.

Alternatively I can insert this dildo first and allow it to get covered in my bodily fluids before flipping it round and prompting Mr Peaches to lap me up. This toy really does lend itself to a fluid gender exchange and it feels like you can run the whole spectrum of gender expression with it. It’s as if the B.J. Dildo defies gender binaries by its mere existence, and I couldn’t be a happier queer because of this.

However the B.J. Dildo is primarily made for sensation, so how does it perform in this regard.

Uuuhm, can you excuse me for a moment while my body recovers from the shuddering orgasms that the B.J. Dildo has routinely provoked in me?

Using this dildo is like taking the normal sucking action of oral sex and cranking that dial up to 100 before doing some sort of tinkering (or wizardry) to add yet another notch of sensation. It’s that fantastic.

This dildo comes in many colours, appealing to the Pokemon GO fan in all of us.
This dildo comes in many colours, appealing to the Pokemon GO fan in all of us. I *must* own them all (or at least the Green one).

It’s incredibly easy to vary up just how much suction goes through the B.J. Dildo and it can run the gamut from gentle tugging to all out, almost stinging suction. Turns out I like my suction really strong and the B.J. Dildo (and Mr Peaches) more than deliver. Oral-inspired orgasms have never been easy for me but the B.J. Dildo makes them much more frequent and deeply, persistently satisfying.

I have a cock. And my partner sucks on it. And I can cum. Pinch me now, I must have died and gone to queer heaven!

For me this toy really did work equally well as a dildo too and actually introduced something in to my play sessions that I had never even considered experimenting with before—a light breeze.

Oh yes, because the B.J. Dildo is hollow I can actually feel a gentle breeze flowing in to my vagina when using it and creating a slight temperature/wind-flow variation. I did not know that I wanted this sensation before the B.J. Dildo but now it is part of my life and I’m not letting it go for all of the golden dildos in the secret stashes of the world’s royalty (we all know they exist!).

Now, although the B.J. Dildo does perform incredibly well as a dildo it is still hollow, so it’s worth noting that using it as such will never feel quite the same as using a girthy or very firm dildo.

The B.J. Dildo can also take some initial adjustment to get the suction position correct, but figuring out what works best with your body is all part of the fun.

Overall I have very minimal issues with the B.J. Dildo and they are all dwarfed by just how immensely transformative this toy is.

On a medical note (finishing off on a high) I always struggled with UTIs from oral sex, even when using dams. But now, thanks to the B.J. Dildo, I not only have a wonderful way to express my desire to rock out with my cock out but I also have a safe, viable, and extremely pleasurable way to experience oral without risk or discomfort.

The implications of this alone lead me to recommend the B.J. Dildo wholeheartedly.

As for the many, many 69 experiences I’ve had since getting the B.J. Dildo…well, the details of those are for Mr Peaches and I only.

Final Thoughts

2016 may have been terrible overall but it’s actually been a brilliant year for sex toys, and the B.J. Dildo stands out as one of the best available.

This is a dildo that can truly change people’s lives, improve their mental well-being, and help them feel safer and more comfortable in the skin they’re in. It’s certainly done so for me and I hug this dildo close to my heart as if it’s a cherished possession—which, to be 100% transparent, it now is.

I highly, highly recommend to B.J. Dildo for any fans of suction, UTI sufferers, or gender fluid and trans individuals and welcome you to reap its benefits along with me. There are plenty of colours to choose  from, including a glorious teal of sorts (which I now want to own too) and I feel confident that the B.J. Dildo will have something to offer to you.

Recommend to:

Trans and gender fluid individuals.

People who struggle with UTIs.

Suction lovers.

Do Not Recommend to:

People who dislike representational toys.

People looking for a solid/firm toy.

People who prefer a smaller/larger girth.

The B.J. Dildo was provided to me by Form Function in exchange for an honest review. Check them out, buy their toys, embrace the B.J.

  • Okay, um. This sounds a little strange (in an “it’s completely new to me” kind of way) and EXTREMELY hot. 😳 I’ve been seeing this dildo being discussed on social media a lot recently, but I think this is the first review I’ve read — and now I totally want one!!

  • Tzipora

    I can’t get over how awesome this dildo seems! And I have to offer mad props to the company for making it in the less realistic green color (well the color is obviously totally unrealistic but the shape isn’t lol). Just been bummed several shops I’ve seen aren’t selling the green shade! I probably would’ve bought one recently while rocking some holiday sales but alas, the shops that had the best sales or other stuff I wanted only carried the other colors.

    I’m aware I’m a minority in that but that is why I love this company for doing it (still so sad Vixen has mostly done away with their fun colors for the same reason and miffs me as a lesbian that they have those fancy variations on the mustang with the awesome looking base but no unrealistic colors. Mustang is my favorite but that special base looks like so much extra awesome.

    Anyway, so I just love that. So much. I’m still unsure if I could suck off a female partner even with the green color just due to some abuse issues from my distant past. But I’m so up for trying in a way I wouldn’t be without that color. Although, I’m more interested in knowing what it feels like to receive that suction because I’m a big fan of the suction too. Mr. Peaches is awesome for having no real qualms about doing that for you btw. I feel like that shouldn’t need to be said but then again there’s too many guys out there that would be weirded out by the idea (honestly I showed this toy a close gay male friend and he was weirded out by it as well!).

    I just can’t get over the color thing though. Haha. Such a gorgeous shade too and thank gosh it isn’t pink or something with lots of gendered connotations. Beside my own wants from it (basically a different way to have fun as a cis woman who sleeps with women) I think the non realistic shade could appeal a lot to someone who is nonbinary in a very unique way. And of course the realistic look and shades have got to be so gratifying for trans FtM trans folk in particular. So really got to hand it to a company and a toy design that can meet so many different needs!

    Your review itself is great as well. Sounds like a winning toy all around.