Article: What the Sex Toy Community Taught Me About Fitness

The sex toy community offers a surprising amount of transferable skills. Here are just a few that you can apply to your fitness regimen.

Last October I began embarking on a few lifestyle changes in order to promote a fitter and healthier me. The reasons for this were mostly medical (and minor at that) but that’s irrelevant. What matters is I’m loving the changes I’ve made and I haven’t looked back since.

What I’ve been able to achieve in just a few months has left me feeling fantastic, even though I know there’s still a lot to do. However, this story isn’t about my fitness journey. Rather, it’s about how the sex toy community has helped me along the way.

When people think of sex and exercise typically one thing comes to mind: sexercise. You can lose this many calories if you have vigorous sex for this long and blah blah, etc. However, motivational romps aside there is actually a lot of practical knowledge in the sex toy community when it comes to general health and fitness. Here are just a few that I’ve managed to extract and take to heart over the past few months:

Love Yourself (Because You’re Friggin’ Awesome)

Sex positivity and body positivity often come hand-in-hand and having a positive mindset is so important to keeping up a fitness routine. This is particularly important if weight loss is your goal.

I was at a conference recently and I remember talking to a professional about the failings of the BMI system as a motivator for weight loss. To summarize what she said BMI seen by some as inefficient because it doesn’t take the individual in to account and often makes people feel bad about themselves until they achieved the desired results.

Conversely what she believed to be the best way to actually motivate people to become fitter was (in her theory) by making them feel good about themselves. It was about celebrating any positive action and realizing that your body is amazing no matter what. It was about getting enthused by any changes that may occur to it but realizing that those changes won’t be instantaneous. It was about forgiving yourself if you had a blip in your eating or exercise habits and being kinder to the skin you’re in. And, from what she told me, her team of researchers were getting good results.

Of course I’m not saying that loving yourself and weight loss have to go hand in hand. My body in October and my body now will never be a Before & After because I was sexy as hell at both of those points in my life. What I really want to convey is that in order to feel motivated to embark on any big fitness endeavor (whether it’s bulking up, slimming down or simply getting some more stamina no scales involved) you need to be your biggest ally, and self-love makes that possible.

Loving yourself is hard, but the sex toy community is often the first group to encourage you to take the necessary steps to making it a reality. Once you’re kinder to yourself and once you’re happy with what you see in the mirror then fitness stops being about trying to change your body and starts being about celebrating it for all its strengths and quirks. I know I wouldn’t have been able to keep my fitness regime up personally if I hadn’t learnt how to practice self love beforehand and I owe the sex toy community for that grace.

Do Your Research

When I first came into the sex toy community I didn’t have a clue about the dangers of jelly toys, nor what a phthalate even was. It was only through educating myself and using the amazing resources that others had put out there that I was able to find more body-safe methods of masturbation.

The fitness industry, much like the sex toy industry, is a minefield; full of mainstream misinformation and companies that are happy to sell you questionable items just because they can (and because it brings in the most money). However, much like the sex toy industry there are also kind, intelligent, and authentically compassionate people around who have your health and well-being at heart 100%.

Just like you would do when considering buying a new toy take the time to research a new fitness regime, or to generally brush up on the Do’s and Don’t’s of exercise and healthy living. I’ll be the first to admit that it’s incredibly difficult and I’m still learning, however doing your research in the short term will be incredibly beneficial in the long term.

As with sex toy reviews, there are a lot of individuals that have different opinions or predilections too so don’t be afraid to read around in order to gain a well-rounded opinion on what you’re going to do. Trust me, it’s worth it.

The Only Thing That Matters is What Works For You

‘Personal preference’ is a term I use a lot when reviewing sex toys and with good reason. Basically everyone has different inclinations and styles for how they like to get off and what feels good. This is just how it is and it’s something that we all readily accept in the sex toy community.

For example I’m a power queen through-and-through and I adore wand vibrators but I’m not going to knock someone if they like gentle bullet vibrators instead. Everyone has something that works for them and it’s all about finding what works for you when it comes to achieving sexual pleasure.

Fitness is exactly the same.

All bodies are built differently, we all have different exercises we love and hate, and we all respond to exercise in different ways.

So what’s the main thing that divides the fitness world from the sex toy world in this regard? Most people who are new to fitness have a near-total denial when it comes to personal preferences and their impact on workouts and weight loss/body building.

If you are one of these people then let me just say, it isn’t your fault; our modern media is completely saturated with ‘celebrity bodies’ or ‘miracle diets’ that promise to work perfectly for you and make you look exactly like that one media personality who is totally smokin’. There’s often very little leniency and most of these fitness approaches center around a demand to meet someone else’s ideal instead of your own. ‘Get beach body ready’ and all of that. *shudders*


The sex toy community almost totally polarizes this stance: focusing entirely on the pleasure of the individual. It allows people to figure out their own bodies and offers a variety of products for people to play around with. I’m not saying that the one-size-fits-all idea doesn’t exist in the world of sex toys *cough*Rabbit Vibes*cough* but typically the sex toy community itself won’t judge you if your preference differs from the norm.

So what can you take from this? It’s simple: Don’t allow yourself to feel bad because you don’t fit into someone else’s mold. If you’ve tried a popular fitness trend that’s all the rage but it hasn’t worked for you then don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s not your fault, you just have a preference that you haven’t found yet.

Instead treat your workout regimen like you would treat a masturbation session. Take the time to explore your body, find a method that works and build up from there. Be patient. Be forgiving. Make your exercise routine work for you instead of allowing it to feel like a chore. Love what you do.

This also ties in nicely with another pitfall of fitness—comparing yourself to others. It’s easy to do and even I do it sometimes but it’s completely counterproductive and it does your body a disservice. If someone else adores a toy but it just doesn’t work for you then you know you wouldn’t be anywhere near as harsh on your body, so don’t do it when it comes to fitness either. Personal fitness is about what works for you. Not anyone else. Remember that and you’ll hopefully lose a lot less sleep at night.

It’s About the Journey, Not the Goal

Yes, this is cliched as all hell but roll with me on this one.

It’s typically accepted in the sex toy community that orgasms (while awesome) aren’t the be all and end all of sex. If you’re always struggling or rushing to reach a climax then there’s a real risk of missing out on everything that makes sex so phenomenal. The delicate touches, the intimate moments, the way your body reacts to your partner’s touch. All of these are incredibly valuable and shouldn’t be overlooked just because they’re not ‘the Big-O’. Some people struggle to reach orgasm too, in which case focusing on the end goal of a climax can actually be actively damaging too.

When it comes to fitness, I think you already know how this can be applied.

Yes, it’s great to have goals throughout your quest for fitness, but never allow yourself to get so hung up on them that you lose sight of all the amazing experiences that you’re having to get there. Never overlook the little moments which make the goals worth achieving. By all means, keep a goal in mind, but enjoy the journey it takes to get there too.

Equally if you struggle to meet your goal don’t be too critical of yourself. How you get to your destination if just as important as where you’re going (sometimes even more so) and I’m sure if you took the time to examine that journey you’d discover many more personal victories.

Ideally fitness is a lifelong journey. When you do have an amazing orgasm with your partner you don’t call it a day and resign yourself to a life absent of sex afterwards. So, naturally, new goals will emerge when you hit your current one. As such if you can plan your fitness goals with this mindset then you’ll have more peace of mind when you hit road bumps along the way.

Surround Yourself With People That Get It

The sex toy community have been my rock on more than one occasion and, as you can probably tell, they’ve helped me in more ways than they might know. However, support doesn’t have to be confined to one area of your life.

Whether it be friends, family, or an online network, find people who are on the same path as you and who get where you’re coming from. This may require some research at first (you want to avoid toxic communities) but the play-off is invaluable.

With a strong community behind you, you’ll feel unstoppable. If nothing else I hope this article has illustrated that.

And that’s all for now folks. I hope you enjoyed this merging of the worlds. Please feel free to share in the comments how the sex toy community has helped you too. It doesn’t have to apply to fitness, it can be to do with anything (even *gasp* sex). In the meantime I hope you enjoyed this article and I’ll see you all in February.

Until the next review!