Toy Review: The Sh! Countess Clit Dildo

The Sh! Countess Clit Dildo is a stunning dildo.

The beautiful marble effect perfectly complements the tiger’s eye colouration of this wonderful creation. To top it off each Countess Dildo is handmade by Sh! in London, England; a true work of art.

As such it saddens me to say that the Sh! Countess Clit Dildo was not as phenomenal as I was hoping it would be. Don’t get me wrong, this is a very well-made dildo, and I know it will make some users very happy, but it’s not for me.

The Sh! Countess Clit Dildo

Words cannot describe how excited I was when I saw this dildo. My camera doesn’t really do it justice but the Sh! Countess Clit Dildo really is captivating in person. The marbling effect and choice of colours really makes this dildo stand out. Not to mention that, what with being handmade, each dildo has a unique pattern to it. I’m gushing just thinking about it.

My camera cannot capture the sheer beauty of this toy.
My camera cannot capture the sheer beauty of this toy.

The design of the Countess is also very interesting. Made to stimulate the vagina and clitoris/perineum simultaneously the Countess has a wonderful swirling ‘external stroker’ built in to the design which helps achieve this goal. I’ve often aired my dislike of rabbit-esque designs like this on my blog but the truth is I actually don’t mind this stroker. Why? Well there are a few reasons.

Firstly it’s long (about 2 inches when uncurled) and curvaceous. This allows the stroker to have a good range when it comes to reaching and stimulating the clitoris, something which is easy to achieve due to its flexibility. The flexibility of this stroker also allows users to simply stretch it out of the way, if desired, and use another clitoral toy in its place.

The clitoral arm is actually very accommodating.
The clitoral arm is actually very accommodating.

I often used this toy with a wand vibrator and the stroker was never an issue. It simply moved around the wand’s head, happily accommodating it. I love toys that work with me, so the Countess gets huge brownie points there.

As for the rest of the dildo, the Countess sports a 6 inch shaft with a maximum circumference of 5 inches. The shaft of the Countess is adorned with prominent rings meant to provide extra texture. The tip of the shaft reminds me of the tip of a bowling pin—a semi-ovular bulb intended to hit the G-spot. The Countess also sports a flared base, making it harness compatible and anal friendly.

The tip of the Countess is a slender bulb.
The tip of the Countess is a slender bulb.

One thing I love about the Countess (and most of Sh!’s dildos, for that matter) is that it’s non-representational. The Countess is not made to replicate the sensation of a penis, nor to resemble one in any way, shape or form. This is great for people who prefer abstract shapes and highlights Sh!’s reputation as a woman’s sex shop. Sometimes we just need something for us, penises be damned! I feel like the Countess is also very inclusive of the LGBTQI+ community, which is another bonus in the corner of the Countess.

The Countess is made out of silicone, making it phthalate-free, non-porous and generally body safe. It is incredibly easy to clean too; some toy cleaner/soap and water and a good rinse in some water should do the trick. It’s also dishwasher friendly.

The Countess silicone is glossy but still has some drag to it. This dramatically decreases once some lubricant is applied. Remember: Silicone lubricant and silicone toys don’t play well together, so make sure to use water-based lubricant.

In theory there’s not much to dislike about the Countess but, in practice, it just didn’t work for me.

I blame the Splash. It has created a monster out of me—a girth-loving, extreme-texture-craving monster. As such when presented with a dildo that is reasonably modest (with the bulbous head measuring at a 3.5 inch circumference) and with very formulaic texture my vagina simply isn’t as wowed.

Okay, let’s focus on the positives again for a moment.

When you insert the Countess you can certainly feel each ring as you go along. It provides a nice disruption to the otherwise smooth form of the dildo and causes your vagina to focus on the sensations. I imagine those who like slimmer dildos and are just starting to explore texture may find that each new ring feels like its penetrating them all over again, which can be an incredibly nice feeling.

These rings will rub some people the right way.
These rings will rub some people the right way.

Size training has progressed me past that stage but I do love the texture for thrusting, as it does provide additional sensation.

The curved form and bulbous head of the Countess also hits the G-spot and rubs against it; although with glossy, flexible silicone it’s not as firm or precise as it could be. It’s more of a gentle touch, which some will adore.

For me the Countess was simply too slim and the silicone too glossy to really rub me the right way. Don’t get me wrong—every time I used the Countess I had an orgasm—however it took a fair amount of time, was never really sensational, and lacked depth. That was my experience, and it pains me to say it, but honesty is the best policy.

Still, I think it should be clear by now that this dildo has a lot to offer the right user. If you don’t like firm G-spot stimulation, prefer a slimmer dildo, have only just ventured in to textured toys (or like minimal texture) and like non-vibrating clitoral arms then the Countess is pretty much made for you. You don’t have to tick all of those boxes to benefit from the Countess but if you can tick off at least two then I imagine this toy would do wonders for you.

As for downsides, the base of the Countess is pretty thin and flexible. This can make gripping it a bit awkward at first (especially if you love rapid thrusting), but once you get used to it you should be fine.

The Countess is also a dust magnet, as my photos show.

Aaaand that’s about it really. Nothing else can be objectively said against this dildo. If you prefer a vibrating toy you can also get a version with a bullet compartment. Here’s hoping the Tango fits.

Final Thoughts

The Sh! Countess Clit Dildo is a very desirable looking toy, so it seems rather apt that it appeals to rather specific desires.

I could get pleasure out of this dildo but ultimately I was left lacking. However I feel like the right user will be able to unlock the true potential of the Countess and utilize it to its fullest extent.

This is not a bad toy; it’s an exceptionally crafted sex object which simply did not work for me. Perhaps it will work better for you instead?

Recommend to:

People who like gentle G-spot stimulation.

People who like flexible dildos.

People who like minimal texture.

Do Not Recommend to:

People who like firm G-Spot toys.

People who like girthy toys.

People who like a lot of/an absence of texture.

The Countess was provided to me by Sh! in exchange for an honest review. Check their store out by clicking the logo below.

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