Toy Review: The C.J. Hooker by Hole Punch Toys

Hole Punch Toys are one of my favourite providers of playful insertables. Their selection ranges from a tempting nun to a carrot that gives an answer to the question “What’s up doc?

The diverse collection that Hole Punch Toys presents leaves most sex toy geeks feeling weak at the knees. Still, sometimes you can’t beat the classics.

A nice, big, semi-realistic dildo is something I’ve grown to appreciate over the years. Thankfully Hole Punch Toys manages to deliver even in this regard.

Curving to one side and with a very pronounced coronal ridge, the C.J. Hooker practically begged for me to review it. As such, when Hole Punch Toys provided me with on in exchange for an honest review I knew I was in for a good time and this impressive phallus didn’t fail to deliver.

The C.J. Hooker

The C.J. Hooker mixes admirable realism with a bit of playful quirk and exaggeration. Made to look like a real penis, the shaft of the C.J. Hooker varies in size (with a slimmer beginning which then bulges out at the middle before reaching the tip) and curves slightly to the left. Veins can be traced across the shaft, while the balls of the C.J. Hooker are less defined (but still very appealing).

These details really sold me on the C.J. Hooker. It’s just so nice to see a semi-realistic dildo that isn’t straight as an arrow and consistent in girth. Variation does exist among penes and representation matters. Because of this I really admire the design of the C.J. Hooker. To me it is incredibly refreshing (plus I love me a dildo with a large coronal ridge).

Gaze upon this mighty phallus.
Gaze upon this mighty phallus in all its glory.

Deviating from the ‘real’, the C.J. Hooker comes in bright and bold colours which makes for some delectable eye candy. The standard C.J. Hooker is a vibrant green but there are some variations. My C.J. Hooker is what I can only describe as ‘highlighter orange’ and, hey, it’s certainly got my attention.

The C.J. Hooker also comes with a suction cup on the bottom. This allows users to have some hands-free fun in the shower or bath. Personally I like to use my toys while lying down but I did test the C.J. Hooker out in the shower and it didn’t budge during my testing.

As with all Hole Punch Toys products the C.J. Hooker is made from platinum cure silicone. This makes the C.J. Hooker non-porous, hypoallergenic and body-safe. It is also completely phthalate-free and incredibly easy to wash. Soap (or toy cleaner) and water should easily do the trick.

The surface of the C.J. Hooker feels quite grabby and my hand does cling to it when stroking it without lube. As soon as lube is applied the C.J. Hooker becomes much smoother, but still retains the drag needed to add to the experience during penetration. In terms of hardness the C.J. Hooker has some give to it (you can ‘squish’ the shaft) but I do consider it to be respectably firm.

In terms of measurements the C.J. Hooker is larger than average. The total length of the C.J. Hooker is 7 inches but it has an insertable length of just over 5.5. Meanwhile the circumference of the C.J. Hooker is just over 4.75 at its slimmest, about 5 inches at the mid-shaft bulge and just under 5.5 inches at the coronal ridge.

This may not seem like much to some but the prominent coronal ridge, the draggy silicone surface and the materials firmness all come together to make this quite a filling product.

This is where the magic happens.
This is where the magic happens.

Because the C.J. Hooker curves in the opposite direction to the G-spot I was initially worried about how it might perform. However I had no need to fret. In use the C.J. Hooker’s curve actually works in favour of G-spot stimulation—providing a kind of resistance that adds to the sensation. Still, the first thing I really notice when using the C.J. Hooker was that divine head.

The coronal ridge of the C.J. Hooker is very noticeable and immediately locates and stimulates the G-spot. Using the C.J. Hooker I am both happily filled up and in a state of constant arousal from the ever-present ridge rubbing my G-spot. That being said because this ridge is so prominent it could make thrusting with the C.J. Hooker a bit uncomfortable for some. I personally wouldn’t dream of doing rapid thrusts with this toy.

The C.J. Hooker does provide me with fantastic orgasms but, for me, that’s not what makes this toy stand out. Instead I have to praise the C.J. Hooker’s incredible ability to enable a prolonged indulgence of the pre-climax moment purely through its design. Y’see not only does its coronal ridge keep the G-spot happy but it also manages to provide a certain amount of resistance when it comes to muscle contractions. This means that the C.J. Hooker is able to keep me at the perfect pinnacle—that sweet spot of euphoria just before the release of climax—for much longer than almost all of my other toys.

This is a talent that should not be overlooked and I adore the C.J. Hooker for allowing me to revel in the threshold zone of an orgasm. I never thought I’d enjoy being on the brink so much, but the C.J. Hooker both amplifies the moment before climax and finishes strong with the orgasm itself, leaving me wholly satisfied.

I can imagine the C.J. Hooker might be good for those who practice edging, for this reason, but I can’t personally vouch for that.

In terms of downsides there really aren’t that many at all.

Obviously someone who dislikes larger toys, realistic toys, or toys with a large coronal ridge will probably dislike the C.J. Hooker. But these are all personal preference and not a fault in the toy.

If I did have one thing to say against the C.J. Hooker it’s that it’s a dust and hair magnet. This toy definitely needs a thorough clean before and after every use and will still manage to scoop up some stray hairs just after a wash. But this is really easy to accommodate and is probably the biggest thing I can say about this otherwise fantastic dildo.

Final Thoughts

Overall I am incredibly pleased with the C.J. Hooker and highly recommend it to dildo enthusiasts everywhere. It may be on the larger size for some, but that coronal ridge is perfectly designed for prolonging that pleasurable moment just before climax, creating an explosive finish.

There are so few toys that excel in amplifying that sensation, making the C.J. Hooker even more valuable in my eyes.

What can I say? I’m hooked.

Recommend to:

People who like larger toys.

People who like variation.

People who like prolonged sensation.

Do Not Recommend to:

People who prefer smaller toys.

People who need a G-spot curve.

People who dislike semi-realistic dildos.