Okay if you’re here I’m going to assume that you’ve read my most recent review and that you want to hear the whole story behind my exploration into stupid. Well here goes.
When it comes to flavoured lubes and oils I’m a bit of a nut. I’m obsessed with anything delectable that I can slather into Mr. Peaches’ penis and go to town on. Some lubricants and oils taste downright horrific and I would never recommend them, but others are so delicious that I start to wonder what other applications they might have. The Sensuous Sweet Touch Massage Oils fell into that second category.
The Sensuous Massage Oils are described as being intended for when you’d rather have your partner for dessert but I soon wondered how they’d fair when combined with an actual dessert. I must have been feeling pretty moronic when I came up with the idea but at the time it seemed to make sense. After all when it comes to the better flavoured products one of the most common things you’ll hear is “It’s so good I use it as an actual dessert topper/ice cream syrup/etc.” so I thought I’d put that to the test.
The Crème Brûlée already had a taste to it that reminded me of pancakes so, naturally, I decided to try and test my oils as a pancake topper. To reiterate I’m an idiot.
It didn’t take long for me to grill the pancakes as instructed on the packet; they were a brand I’d had before so I knew how delicious they could be. Taking a shot of the massage oils next to the pancakes everything looked delicious and the experiment felt like it was going to be an optimistic one. My ultimate hope was that these oils would be good both in the bedroom and out.
Now, they may still be good with ice cream, I don’t know. All I do know is that trying them on pancakes has deterred me from using them on anything but Mr. Peaches’ body for good (something I’m sure he won’t complain about).
After the photos were taken I poured a little bit of the Tiramisu oil on one side of the pancakes and a little bit of Crème Brûlée on the other before tucking in. At first they tasted fine. I’d put a small enough portion on that they were able to complement the taste of the pancakes without detracting in any way. Still I couldn’t say it was enhancing the experience for me so I added more and tucked in with extra gusto.
I think it was during this time that I realized the error of my ways.
The best explanation I have for what happened was that the high heat of the pancakes ruined the flavour of the massage oils and left them tasting bitter with a bit of a sharp pang which was thoroughly unpleasant. The Crème Brûlée in particular suddenly tasted vile and the flavour was persistent in my mouth leading to nausea pretty quickly.
Long story short those pancakes did not stay in my stomach for long.
I spent the rest of the evening after my experiment curled up in bed feeling fragile and more than a bit foolish. Still I had a consolation prize. “Oh well”, I thought to myself, “At least this’ll make a half-funny review anecdote”.
However the reason I didn’t include this in my actual review is because I consider this to be more of an exploration in my own stupidity rather than something that reflects badly on the products in anyway. The products themselves do a fantastic job at providing a delectable oral experience in the bedroom, however in the kitchen they are naturally lacking.
I suppose if there’s anything to be taken away from this it’s that you shouldn’t expect a product to do more than it’s supposed to. Hearing multiple reviews say “This is so good I think I’ll use it on my [insert dessert food here]” doesn’t mean that the end result was pleasant. For me it certainly wasn’t.
However I do assume that you, my lovely readers, are already smart enough to know this. After all it takes a special kind of person to decide it’s a good idea to put flavoured massage oil on pancakes.
Until the next review!